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Other Emotional Issues

Anger Management

Surrogate EFT for fighting neighbors

Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Hi Everyone,

Here's a first class use of surrogate (remote) EFT by Angela Treat Lyon. Notice how she assumes the other people's issues. Much to learn here.

Hugs, Gary

By Angela Treat Lyon

My neighbors, a mid-60's woman and her 30-something son - fight tooth and nail.  Luckily it only happens about once a month. The cops always come and it's loud and interrupts my day … or night.  One time he threw a TV at her.  Not nice.

Yesterday they went at it again, and I decided I'd had it with them.  So I walked over next to the fence near where they stood out in the echoing garage - for everyone to hear, of course - and listened to what they were fighting about.  She was demanding he pay his rent share, and he was threatening to kill himself (again).  Then I tapped on myself.  First, I took the son's part, as he's the most violent and volatile.  Even though…

I'm so p------d off

I feel like such a fool to be so old living with my mom

I have such a crummy job

I hate my job

I hate myself

I hate the power she has over me

How dare she ask me for rent

I can hardly get by as it is

I'm so afraid she'll kick me out

I won't be able to make it

It's all her fault for raising me like she did

I hate myself for yelling at her

I feel so helpless

I can't help any of this

I wish I could die.

She'll see! She'll miss me and then wish she hadn't been so hard on me!

I hate this!

I'm so powerless.

As soon as I got to "I'm powerless," I felt a huge breath-yawn, and he stopped yelling.  But she was still at it, so I started again, taking her part while tapping Even though…

I don't want him here anymore

He's too old to live at home anymore

But I feel sorry for him

He can't make it

I don't believe he can

I hate how he yells at me

I feel so scared of him

He might kill me

Or himself

He gave his father a heart attack when he threw that TV at me

I don't want to go like that, too

I hate how we fight

I don't know what else to do

He gets on my nerves

I wish he'd go live with his girlfriend

I can't kick him out

I feel so stuck!

She was no longer yelling when I got to that last phrase.  Now they were both just talking, but still with escalated emotion.  I kept tapping - this time for both of them:  Even though

We have just fought

It felt awful

I really don't want to fight

I just don't know how to get my way without it

I wish there was another way

I choose to find another way

I don't want to fight anymore

I want both of us to win

I want to be happy and at peace with each other

Again, I took a deep breath.  Now the son was getting in his car and driving off.  Mind you, in the past, these fights have gone on from one to three hours of screaming and cussing and crashing. And at the end, he'd always drive (blast) off.

But this time, they only fought for maybe twenty minutes, and he drove off, but he didn't SLAM his car door shut, jam the garage door as he has in the past, or squeal away leaving 50-foot skid marks on the pavement.  What a relief!  I can't even imagine why I never thought of tapping for them before!

aloha -

Angela Treat Lyon


Follow up

So many people wrote me asking how I did the surrogate tapping for my neighbor that I want to give a bit more detail.

When I tap "off the cuff," which is what I did that day - no official session or anyone with whom to consciously work - I am pretty ad lib. It's my intention that counts here, not any "correct" ritual of point-by-point EFT. I start with my karate chop point, but eventually I'm just running through the points with one phrase per point.

Sometimes I do it mentally, because I don't want whoever it is to know I'm doing it - s/he could be close by, not "believe" in EFT, not want any interference out of pride or shame, not be able to tap himself - whatever, it doesn't matter.

I was asked about free will and interfering with a person's destiny or ability to make choices. One of the things that struck me most powerfully when I first studied Gary's manual was his argument for tapping for others. He talks about how we constantly think badly about and send ugly thoughts towards people without asking their permission - why should we ask them if it's OK to send them "good" thoughts and wishes?

After years of doing healing work, staunchly advocating "free will rights," I gave it up on the spot! Just seemed absurd. As Gary also says, if the person for whom we are tapping and wishing well has an intention or higher-being need to resist or not accept our ministrations, nothing we do will get the energy through anyway!

I believe that none of us is a victim. We all, at our core's deepest level, know exactly what we need and want, and our energy system absorbs, deflects or reflects that quite elegantly.

I believe that we all wish, at that most core level, to be well and to thrive. We only resist healing out of twisted beliefs and judgements that do us more harm than if we said yes to another's wishes to help us. I say tap away on others, both with them and away from them.

The one caveat would be to have no set agenda other than real concern and love for the other, no matter what the outcome. Who are we to know what result is best for another? All we can do is unselfishly wish the best for them - whatever that is and looks like. Trust the Universe/God/Mystery to Know.

We can tap for parents, kids, aunts and uncles, grandparents, ancestors, friends, foes, bosses and co-workers - if you can think of someone, you can tap for him. It doesn't matter one whit if he is in the same room or halfway across the universe in Betelgeuse.

Our intention is incredibly powerful. In the ancient Hawaiian healing art called Ho-oponopono, we say these three phrases for whoever we want to help, no matter where they are:
"I'm sorry (that there is hurtful energy in the space),"
"I love you (real intent for love in the space)," and
"thank you (gratitude for the opportunity to help, love and create more love)."

Tap using those three phrases, as you intentionally send health and love to people. Even if you don't see viable results in them, your own results from borrowing benefits can be great! We truly are One!

I hope this helps.

aloha -
Angela Treat Lyon


Explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT™, by reading my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™. More efficient. More powerful.