- Other Emotional Issues
- Anger Management
- Releasing anger at parents allowed healing of ulcerative colitis and headaches
- Suppressed anger expelled via the stomach
- EFT for self righteous anger
- Getting over a gang rape--including a follow-up
- EFT alleviates horrendous self-hatred and rage
- Calming down Teddy, an emotionally disturbedboy
- EFT for anger underlying ALS
- An unusual anger release
- Anger in a homeless shelter
- A murderous rage is calmed with EFT
- Intuitional work with anger
- A First Class use of Surrogate EFT for Bill's anger and behavior issues
- EFT Transforms "hopping-mad" anger
- Anger and Hostility are Proven to Damage Lungs; Simple Acupressure Technique Offers a Solution
- Anger case history from a client
- EFT for workplace anger
- Josh: Building rapport with children--anger & behavior problems.
- EFT for anger helps both Ann and her angry husband--note the surrogate approach
- Unbearable hatred toward classmates
- Surrogate EFT for fighting neighbors
- Brandon's Story--anger problem becomes history: (including an update at the end)
- EFT for deep seated anger
- EFT and severe mental illness--a murderous impulse
- An interesting approach to EFT and road rage
- Using EFT for on-the-spot "hopping mad" anger
- Anger management approach for a polarity responder
- The cause of our anger isn't always as it appears
- A client talks about her abusive childhood and her relief via EFT
- Resentments relieved 22 years after a poor birthing experience
- EFT resolves long term resentment
- The EFT Cooling Tower Technique for Letting off Steam
- Press Release: Can a One-Minute Anger Management Technique Reduce Injury Risk and Chronic Illness?
- Releasing anger patterns with EFT
- A client resolves lifelong anger on her own
- Clearing anger and self loathing with EFT via introduction to inner child
- Stubborn anger issue falls to 0 with emphatic "say what you feel" wording.
- Road Rage and hives disappear in one session after getting to the core issue
- New Technique Helps Avoid Heart Damage by Diffusing Anger Within Marital Arguments
- The client who continually felt resentful
- Employee overcomes anger at supervisor
- Jonas uses EFT for deeper meditation - dangerous PSA reading is now only 0.4
- School Counselor on anger and tension,
- Getting behind a successful EFT anger case
- Football Star Uses New Acupressure Technique to Calm his Road Rage -- No Drugs Needed
- Transgender person with abusive mother relieves rage with EFT
- Anger case--the urge to explode
- Even dropping the kids off at school provides tapping opportunities - an anger issue
- Using EFT to self-calm an intense anger tantrum
- Useful thoughts on anger by Stewart Robertson
- What was REALLY causing Anne's depression?
- EFT student eases his wife's suicidal thoughts
- Louella: Depression, pesticides and low blood sugar
- A successful but involved depression case--"I don't want to tell you how well I'm doing"
- EFT resolves 12 years of postnatal depression
- Long term severe depression gone in ten minutes
- Jaqui Crooks used EFT to overcome her Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
- Maggie eliminates her own depression
- Surrogate tapping and its effect on depression.
- Persistent EFT by Email on depression, anger and anxiety
- Cross dressing, sexuality and depression
- A case that didn't work--and some suggestions
- A first class look at using EFT for a complex case - depression, guilt, grief and abandonment
- Was it really a manic/depressive disorder?
- A textbook depression case--a "one minute wonder" complete with belief changes
- Approaching Depression with the Tearless Trauma Technique
- After 15 years of therapy, including shock therapy, EFT helps release depression
- Success with a skeptical, depressed scientist - follow up included
- Depression, low self esteem and childhood traumas
- Persistence and a challenging case - Incest, abuse, depression, anxiety attacks, nightmares and flashbacks
- A mis-diagnosed manic/depressive disorder
- Depression with numerous underlying issues
- Major results for anxiety, depression and social issues from one thorough EFT session and consistent EFT "homework"
- Hair loss and facial blemishes fade after EFT relieves important emotional issues -- Depression too!
- Adrienne, a physician
- Gary discusses depression and some new ideas
- A non-therapist does superb work on depression--including her own.
- Newbie uses EFT on depression, allergic reactions and more
- 30+ years of depression gone in 2 minutes
- EFT saves a life by rapidly resolving suicidal depression
- Depression and confusion about God
- EFT on personal depression--"I was angry at myself"
- Press Release: New Method for Depression Often Works When Nothing Else Will
- Dr. Patricia Carrington on depression--a detailed discussion, including meds
- Depression, height phobia and claustrophobia eliminated in one session
- Depression related to guilt
- When depression comes from a related issue
- Depression Drugs and Migraine Drugs Don't Always Do The Job
- Depression on Death Row
- EFT Newcomer eliminates his own deep depression and anxiety disorder
- An intimate look at Depression
- EFT instead of shock treatments?
- From depressed and suicidal ... to ... "I laugh all the time
- Panic And Anxiety
- Travel Anxiety--using the Tell the Story Technique
- Febrile convulsions and related panic attacks subside--not one attack in the two years since she learned to use EFT
- Successful surrogate tapping for surgery anxiety
- Persistence and Panic Attacks - Quality results on a stubborn issue
- Getting to the core of "Mark's" anxiety
- EFT for overeating and panic attacks
- Performance anxiety at a music camp
- Gayla uses EFT for panic
- New Method for Treating Anxiety Works When Conventional Treatments Fail
- Clearing social anxiety with EFT
- Two surrogate tapping cases: Dental anxiety and severe stomach ache
- Panic Attacks: Getting behind the thought process
- Husband relieves wife of major panic attack
- EFT newcomer rids himself of social anxiety
- Relief for another stress related cough
- Using EFT for panic when nobody is around
- Combining EFT with the Inner Theater approach for panic attacks
- Testing your EFT work: Feeling trapped and panic attacks
- A Quality "How To Do It" Session for Fear and Anxiety
- Diagnosed as a schizophrenic, Gregoire had anxiety, stress and insomnia
- Current "in your face" anxiety and stress case
- EFT makes good progress with panic, agoraphobia and feeling like a failure
- Detective work crucial in relief for panic attacks
- Sports anxiety, heat sensitivity, being away from home, loneliness, fear of insects.
- 20 year old abduction anxiety calmed with EFT
- Collapsing a client's anxiety from the 9/11 disaster--with 4 year follow-up
- Anxiety and the fear of being alone
- EFT student uses tapping to immediately calm down after a major car accident
- Medical school test anxiety--from C's and D's to A's and B's
- Success story with 10 day anxiety attack
- Surgery anxiety and EFT
- EFT helps adult learners overcome school and math anxiety
- EFT on a case of extreme separation anxiety in a dog and the importance of Core Issues for Animals
- Study Shows Simple Drug-Free Acupressure Technique Reduces Dental Anxiety
- Detective work provides help for an anxiety disorder
- Imagination tapping on the finger points reduces stress level to zero
- Using EFT for a client who feels out of control.
- One EFT round with Deborah's daughter relieves performance anxiety
- Eric Robins, MD and Lisa Cox on surgery anxieties
- Severe anxiety client has his life back
- EFT Newbie resolves her own major trip anxiety
- Panic attacks and heart palpitations subside after doing EFT on dreams
- Anxiety, eating and more
- Success in neutralizing unwanted memories without the client disclosing the content
- Newcomer uses EFT to collapse his own panic-attacks and writes letter to "Quackwatch"
- A detailed panic attack case
- Non-therapist relieves stress in the form of a temper tantrum
- EFT for panic attacks
- Who Would Have Thought That Acupressure Could Relieve Social Anxiety Better Than Drugs or Therapy?
- Daddy left me. Will my new boyfriend leave me too?
- Courtroom anxiety AND anxiety about calling employers
- One EFT phone session resolves driving test anxiety -- and the benefits expand
- Panic attacks and fear of darkness
- Addressing Generalized Anxiety Disorder by aiming EFT at specific events
- Test anxiety
- Using EFT for Social Anxiety Disorder
- Surgeon Uses New Acupressure Technique to Lower Surgery Risk
- Overcoming Test Anxiety with New Drug-Free Technique: 80% Success Rate
- Daily tapping for Panic Attacks
- Anxiety related to atrial fibrillation is calmed with EFT
- Performance anxiety and many aspects
- EFT brings relief for trauma, anxiety, and an overactive bladder, all in less than an hour
- OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
- Uncontrollable grief resolved with EFT
- Attorney helps client by using EFT for long term unresolved grief
- A grief case with many aspects
- When certain music triggers grief and sadness
- Freedom from grief in only 15 minutes
- Relieving grief over the death of Higgins the dog
- Using EFT for Bereavement
- EFT turns grief into beauty
- EFT eliminates unnecessary grief emotions and softens the grieving process - includes 2 month follow up
- EFT brings healing to a whole family while one woman heals her grief
- Community relief from grief with EFT
- This new Widow was helped in many ways by EFT
- EFT for grief and pet loss
- Tapping through grief leads to incredible insight and relief
- EFT for pain and grief for a birth mother who wasn't allowed to see her child -- a touching story with a happy ending
- Getting to important emotions by doing EFT while looking in the mirror
- Imaginary tapping sends grief away
- EFT setup statements for grief
- An easy grief case with an aspect that showed up later
- Grief changes to smiles
- EFT may be a great relief to grief-stricken nurses who lose patients
- Fresh grief and a double benefit.
- Insights into picking up another person
- EFT heals a broken heart in rapid time
- Using EFT to improve a relationship
- EFT, One Minute Wonders and Opening to Love
- EFT by telephone smoothes out a tense family reunion
- Using EFT for relationship issues--a detailed case
- Tapping on relationship issues
- Interesting way to use EFT & Tappy Bear for a broken heart
- Relationships, EFT and Spirituality
- Improve relationships by Tapping in the Positive
- Addressing relationship and family issues by tapping on photographs
- Tapping into a state of Love
- EFT resolves a 10 year heartbreak
- "I didn't like kissing my wife after she drank coffee."
- Jack improves his relationship with his grandson using surrogate EFT
- Using EFT to prepare for a difficult encounter
- How clearing an intense cough led to improved family relationships--an EFT two-for-one EFT benefit
- MD introduces an innovative idea that brings relief for stubborn relationship issue
- Finding the love you want by healing the inner child
- Relationship Issue: "My husband was being a jerk"
- What holds you back from your lover?
- EFT is instrumental in bringing a couple back together
- Relationships - on "Being Right"
- Instant relationship fix?
- Relationship issue: A humorous approach
- EFT for Couples
- Combining role playing with EFT for relationships and other issues
- Using EFT for a Broken Heart
- The Healing Power of Forgiveness
- Love, Intuition, Patience and EFT help a schizophrenic 15 year old.
- Surrogate EFT heals a broken heart for a 16 year old boy
- Retired Stanford professor fixes his wife's computer with EFT
- Relationship success after finding core issue
- EFT to heal family relationships
- Using EFT on "blocking thoughts" to good relationships
- EFT and meditation for a broken heart
- EFT for love pain
- Shared tapping provides benefits for relationship issues
- EFT Instead of the psych ward after a relationship breaks up
- Taking relationships work to a new level--The Odd Couple
- Reframes (seeing things differently) for guilt, shame and sorrow
- Restless leg syndrome linked to guilt - 20 years of restlessness gone in 2 sessions
- How to reduce guilt via an EFT "Tapping Circle" -- keeping privacy for everyone
- The Rolling EFT process
- The "Tapping the System" Technique
- How Guilt and Shame Block the Law of Attraction
- Using EFT for unnecessary guilt - Did EFT get someone's husband to cook dinner?
- EFT and infertility
- Stubborn guilt finally subsides after doing a search on our website and DVDs for ideas
- A bout of cystitis turns out to be a bout of guilt
- Writing a letter
- New Acupressure Discovery Reduces Stress 4 Ways: 80% Success Rate
- Many Stressed Women Abandon Healthy Lifestyle Habits: Simple Acupressure Technique Offers a Solution
- To Physicians: New Discoveries in Acupressure Promise Everything From Alertness to Pain and Stress Management
- A new do-it-yourself approach to acupressure alleviates stress and, in turn neutralizes cold, flu an
- Psychotherapy Dramatically Improved By New 'Acupuncture Without Needles' Technique
- Eating Disorders
- Two Year Bulimia Problem Gets Major Assist in One Hour
- A Bulimia "one session wonder"
- Bulimia in Brazil
- "Acceptance Tapping" - A powerful EFT treatment variation for severe compulsive disorders and bulimia.
- Joe resolves his Anorexia...and more
- Love, diligence and an eating disorder
- Michal describes what it is like to be free from an eating disorder
- Anger Management
Relationships - on "Being Right"
Note: This is one of 3,000 articles written prior to the updated Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tapping Tutorial™. It provides practical uses for EFT Tapping and most EFT'ers should find it very helpful. However, if your benefits are temporary or a more in-depth approach is needed, you are urged to (1) consult The Gold Standard EFT Tapping Tutorial, (2) Explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT, by reading our free e-book, The Unseen Therapist, and/or (3) get help from a Certified EFT Practitioner.
David Lake, MD (from Australia) uses EFT extensively for relationship work with his clientele. One of the issues that comes up in almost every relationship, of course, is the need to "be right". David addresses this issue with his usual insightfulness and, along the way, he brings us such ideas as...
"Far more useful than finding the right words to say is the idea of using a lot of EFT at the "hot point" of your frustration. This represents massive leverage toward the real problem...."
"Another very useful strategy is to use opposite polarities on alternate points while tapping: "This is right for me" on the first point; "This is wrong for me" on the second, and so on. Or you could say: "I know I'm right" on the first, and "But it's not working" on the second, and "I must keep going" on the third, for example. Quite quickly a new balance is established. In short you are using all the negativities in a creative way without denying them."
"Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing there is a field. I'll meet you there." Rumi
It is quite gratifying to be in the right. To be superior to those lesser beings who have not understood how things are meant to be, and whose behavior is far more childish that your own. Never making a mistake--apart from the semi-permanent one of "not getting" what your partner or family really want or need from you! And the universal mistake of not listening to others in the first place.
As Frank Farrelly says: "Don't tell me the truth--leave me with my distorted perceptions"
But if you are always trying to be in the right in a committed relationship then you can easily make your partner "one-down" and "wrong". Your mind thus struggles with your conscience, intuition and heart in an effort to ease the tension caused by inherent fears and anxieties. It even tells you that you can hurt yourself, or your best friend, and get away with it! The result is a life-denying stalemate where all energy in the relationship is blocked. Authentic feeling and response goes out the window and is replaced by wounded pride and vanity.
The resulting feelings of anger, hurt and helplessness for both are best treated initially with EFT as 'first aid' (regardless of the cause or doer).
The great intensity of those emotions makes relationship the crucible of change (this is David Schnarch's idea of marriage). It also makes a technique like EFT the most useful kind of self-help possible. With each "opportunity" (there's my reframe for getting hurt by the thoughtless behavior of others) we can tap, and avoid the pointless fighting and retribution we usually indulge in. After treating the body problem (EFT is a bodymind technique) in this way, at length, it is far more likely that the mind will be settled, and ready to negotiate or learn to change.
The Role Of EFT
Far more useful than finding the right words to say is the idea of using a lot of EFT at the "hot point" of your frustration. This represents massive leverage toward the real problem, which I conceptualise as a disturbance in our inner world. Sometimes this is a fruitful struggle, as we are "stretched" to change, but more often it is just the feelings of the old hurts of long ago, triggered by the behaviour or attitude of the partner. Very often those behaviours are parts of our disowned self in any case.
Here are some shortcuts in dealing with the suffering (note that all possibilities integrate with using EFT):
3. Tap at length on the hurt feeling wherever you feel it in the body
4. Reflect, meditate, relax, whatever works for you
5. Creatively ignore the hurt. Your partner is going to hurt you sometimes--just as you will hurt them
6. More tapping for the injustice, resentment and unforgiveness standing in the way of your recovery
7. Apologise if necessary. Negotiate the problem.
8. Reconnect. Life is short.
I suggest using continual tapping (not requiring a set-up statement unless you really want to use one) on your favorite points, ideally a composite point such as the crown of the head or the inner and outer wrist points (two finger breadths down from the crease). This is 'self-soothing'.
Another very useful strategy is to use opposite polarities on alternate points while tapping: "This is right for me" on the first point; "This is wrong for me" on the second, and so on. Or you could say: "I know I'm right" on the first, and "But it's not working" on the second, and "I must keep going" on the third, for example. Quite quickly a new balance is established. In short you are using all the negativities in a creative way without denying them.
Acceptance of Both Sides
If accepting yourself or others takes some mental gymnastics, because we feel that first we must be faultless, or they must change, then go ahead and be inconsistent. The mind is always wanting us to choose between good and bad--when everybody is a balance of both qualities, and relationships are a compromise. Self-acceptance is one of the keys to dealing with this complexity. Using your intuition to promote whatever will work (e.g. goodwill and friendship) is another. EFT treats much of the resulting mental discomfort if you use it persistently.
[Steve Wells gives some very practical pointers on using EFT for Self Acceptance, and a program for self-help at:
Whose values will prevail in the relationship? This is a game which you could play all your life in an attempt to preserve what you consider to be the "truth". The real truth is that if this game hurts your partner then you are both going to suffer and that cannot be a good thing. Satisfied men all over the world have realised that women run relationships and families very well, so their values need to be honoured, and to prevail in the home--but that subject is a book in itself.
Take care of your own dark behavior first before judging the efforts of others. You are not perfect, but this area is under your control to a degree. Work on your own faults first. It is because of grace and kindness in the world that we are forgiven for being "wrong". Don't make the mistake of letting your mind run the show when happiness is at stake. Whatever puts a smile on the face of those you care for should be on your agenda.
Jack Kornfield, the Buddhist scholar, has just written a book called "After The Ecstasy, The Laundry". He tells many amusing stories about what happens after enlightenment to those who have families and relationships--and the difficulties that bring them down to earth in a hurry. What have we gained if it can't be put into practice everyday with those we love?
In the end I think the path is all life-long personal work on our toxic reactions (no matter what the trigger). EFT is the natural antidote.
Dr David Lake
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