- Other Emotional Issues
- Anger Management
- Releasing anger at parents allowed healing of ulcerative colitis and headaches
- Suppressed anger expelled via the stomach
- EFT for self righteous anger
- Getting over a gang rape--including a follow-up
- EFT alleviates horrendous self-hatred and rage
- Calming down Teddy, an emotionally disturbedboy
- EFT for anger underlying ALS
- An unusual anger release
- Anger in a homeless shelter
- A murderous rage is calmed with EFT
- Intuitional work with anger
- A First Class use of Surrogate EFT for Bill's anger and behavior issues
- EFT Transforms "hopping-mad" anger
- Anger and Hostility are Proven to Damage Lungs; Simple Acupressure Technique Offers a Solution
- Anger case history from a client
- EFT for workplace anger
- Josh: Building rapport with children--anger & behavior problems.
- EFT for anger helps both Ann and her angry husband--note the surrogate approach
- Unbearable hatred toward classmates
- Surrogate EFT for fighting neighbors
- Brandon's Story--anger problem becomes history: (including an update at the end)
- EFT for deep seated anger
- EFT and severe mental illness--a murderous impulse
- An interesting approach to EFT and road rage
- Using EFT for on-the-spot "hopping mad" anger
- Anger management approach for a polarity responder
- The cause of our anger isn't always as it appears
- A client talks about her abusive childhood and her relief via EFT
- Resentments relieved 22 years after a poor birthing experience
- EFT resolves long term resentment
- The EFT Cooling Tower Technique for Letting off Steam
- Press Release: Can a One-Minute Anger Management Technique Reduce Injury Risk and Chronic Illness?
- Releasing anger patterns with EFT
- A client resolves lifelong anger on her own
- Clearing anger and self loathing with EFT via introduction to inner child
- Stubborn anger issue falls to 0 with emphatic "say what you feel" wording.
- Road Rage and hives disappear in one session after getting to the core issue
- New Technique Helps Avoid Heart Damage by Diffusing Anger Within Marital Arguments
- The client who continually felt resentful
- Employee overcomes anger at supervisor
- Jonas uses EFT for deeper meditation - dangerous PSA reading is now only 0.4
- School Counselor on anger and tension,
- Getting behind a successful EFT anger case
- Football Star Uses New Acupressure Technique to Calm his Road Rage -- No Drugs Needed
- Transgender person with abusive mother relieves rage with EFT
- Anger case--the urge to explode
- Even dropping the kids off at school provides tapping opportunities - an anger issue
- Using EFT to self-calm an intense anger tantrum
- Useful thoughts on anger by Stewart Robertson
- What was REALLY causing Anne's depression?
- EFT student eases his wife's suicidal thoughts
- Louella: Depression, pesticides and low blood sugar
- A successful but involved depression case--"I don't want to tell you how well I'm doing"
- EFT resolves 12 years of postnatal depression
- Long term severe depression gone in ten minutes
- Jaqui Crooks used EFT to overcome her Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
- Maggie eliminates her own depression
- Surrogate tapping and its effect on depression.
- Persistent EFT by Email on depression, anger and anxiety
- Cross dressing, sexuality and depression
- A case that didn't work--and some suggestions
- A first class look at using EFT for a complex case - depression, guilt, grief and abandonment
- Was it really a manic/depressive disorder?
- A textbook depression case--a "one minute wonder" complete with belief changes
- Approaching Depression with the Tearless Trauma Technique
- After 15 years of therapy, including shock therapy, EFT helps release depression
- Success with a skeptical, depressed scientist - follow up included
- Depression, low self esteem and childhood traumas
- A mis-diagnosed manic/depressive disorder
- Depression with numerous underlying issues
- Hair loss and facial blemishes fade after EFT relieves important emotional issues -- Depression too!
- Adrienne, a physician
- Gary discusses depression and some new ideas
- A non-therapist does superb work on depression--including her own.
- Newbie uses EFT on depression, allergic reactions and more
- 30+ years of depression gone in 2 minutes
- EFT saves a life by rapidly resolving suicidal depression
- Depression and confusion about God
- EFT on personal depression--"I was angry at myself"
- Press Release: New Method for Depression Often Works When Nothing Else Will
- Dr. Patricia Carrington on depression--a detailed discussion, including meds
- Depression, height phobia and claustrophobia eliminated in one session
- Depression related to guilt
- When depression comes from a related issue
- Depression Drugs and Migraine Drugs Don't Always Do The Job
- Depression on Death Row
- EFT Newcomer eliminates his own deep depression and anxiety disorder
- An intimate look at Depression
- EFT instead of shock treatments?
- From depressed and suicidal ... to ... "I laugh all the time
- Panic And Anxiety
- Travel Anxiety--using the Tell the Story Technique
- Successful surrogate tapping for surgery anxiety
- Persistence and Panic Attacks - Quality results on a stubborn issue
- Getting to the core of "Mark's" anxiety
- EFT for overeating and panic attacks
- Performance anxiety at a music camp
- Gayla uses EFT for panic
- New Method for Treating Anxiety Works When Conventional Treatments Fail
- Clearing social anxiety with EFT
- Two surrogate tapping cases: Dental anxiety and severe stomach ache
- Panic Attacks: Getting behind the thought process
- Husband relieves wife of major panic attack
- EFT newcomer rids himself of social anxiety
- Relief for another stress related cough
- Using EFT for panic when nobody is around
- Combining EFT with the Inner Theater approach for panic attacks
- Testing your EFT work: Feeling trapped and panic attacks
- A Quality "How To Do It" Session for Fear and Anxiety
- Diagnosed as a schizophrenic, Gregoire had anxiety, stress and insomnia
- Current "in your face" anxiety and stress case
- EFT makes good progress with panic, agoraphobia and feeling like a failure
- Detective work crucial in relief for panic attacks
- Sports anxiety, heat sensitivity, being away from home, loneliness, fear of insects.
- 20 year old abduction anxiety calmed with EFT
- Collapsing a client's anxiety from the 9/11 disaster--with 4 year follow-up
- Anxiety and the fear of being alone
- EFT student uses tapping to immediately calm down after a major car accident
- Medical school test anxiety--from C's and D's to A's and B's
- Success story with 10 day anxiety attack
- Surgery anxiety and EFT
- EFT helps adult learners overcome school and math anxiety
- EFT on a case of extreme separation anxiety in a dog and the importance of Core Issues for Animals
- Study Shows Simple Drug-Free Acupressure Technique Reduces Dental Anxiety
- Detective work provides help for an anxiety disorder
- Imagination tapping on the finger points reduces stress level to zero
- Using EFT for a client who feels out of control.
- One EFT round with Deborah's daughter relieves performance anxiety
- Eric Robins, MD and Lisa Cox on surgery anxieties
- Severe anxiety client has his life back
- EFT Newbie resolves her own major trip anxiety
- Panic attacks and heart palpitations subside after doing EFT on dreams
- Anxiety, eating and more
- Success in neutralizing unwanted memories without the client disclosing the content
- Newcomer uses EFT to collapse his own panic-attacks and writes letter to "Quackwatch"
- A detailed panic attack case
- Non-therapist relieves stress in the form of a temper tantrum
- EFT for panic attacks
- Who Would Have Thought That Acupressure Could Relieve Social Anxiety Better Than Drugs or Therapy?
- Daddy left me. Will my new boyfriend leave me too?
- Courtroom anxiety AND anxiety about calling employers
- One EFT phone session resolves driving test anxiety -- and the benefits expand
- Panic attacks and fear of darkness
- Addressing Generalized Anxiety Disorder by aiming EFT at specific events
- Test anxiety
- Using EFT for Social Anxiety Disorder
- Surgeon Uses New Acupressure Technique to Lower Surgery Risk
- Overcoming Test Anxiety with New Drug-Free Technique: 80% Success Rate
- Daily tapping for Panic Attacks
- Anxiety related to atrial fibrillation is calmed with EFT
- Performance anxiety and many aspects
- EFT brings relief for trauma, anxiety, and an overactive bladder, all in less than an hour
- OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
- Uncontrollable grief resolved with EFT
- Attorney helps client by using EFT for long term unresolved grief
- A grief case with many aspects
- When certain music triggers grief and sadness
- Freedom from grief in only 15 minutes
- Relieving grief over the death of Higgins the dog
- Using EFT for Bereavement
- EFT turns grief into beauty
- EFT brings healing to a whole family while one woman heals her grief
- Community relief from grief with EFT
- This new Widow was helped in many ways by EFT
- EFT for grief and pet loss
- Tapping through grief leads to incredible insight and relief
- Getting to important emotions by doing EFT while looking in the mirror
- Imaginary tapping sends grief away
- EFT setup statements for grief
- An easy grief case with an aspect that showed up later
- Grief changes to smiles
- EFT may be a great relief to grief-stricken nurses who lose patients
- Fresh grief and a double benefit.
- Insights into picking up another person
- EFT heals a broken heart in rapid time
- Using EFT to improve a relationship
- EFT, One Minute Wonders and Opening to Love
- EFT by telephone smoothes out a tense family reunion
- Using EFT for relationship issues--a detailed case
- Tapping on relationship issues
- Interesting way to use EFT & Tappy Bear for a broken heart
- Relationships, EFT and Spirituality
- Improve relationships by Tapping in the Positive
- Addressing relationship and family issues by tapping on photographs
- Tapping into a state of Love
- EFT resolves a 10 year heartbreak
- "I didn't like kissing my wife after she drank coffee."
- Jack improves his relationship with his grandson using surrogate EFT
- Using EFT to prepare for a difficult encounter
- How clearing an intense cough led to improved family relationships--an EFT two-for-one EFT benefit
- MD introduces an innovative idea that brings relief for stubborn relationship issue
- Finding the love you want by healing the inner child
- Relationship Issue: "My husband was being a jerk"
- What holds you back from your lover?
- EFT is instrumental in bringing a couple back together
- Relationships - on "Being Right"
- Instant relationship fix?
- Relationship issue: A humorous approach
- EFT for Couples
- Combining role playing with EFT for relationships and other issues
- Using EFT for a Broken Heart
- The Healing Power of Forgiveness
- Love, Intuition, Patience and EFT help a schizophrenic 15 year old.
- Surrogate EFT heals a broken heart for a 16 year old boy
- Retired Stanford professor fixes his wife's computer with EFT
- Relationship success after finding core issue
- EFT to heal family relationships
- Using EFT on "blocking thoughts" to good relationships
- EFT and meditation for a broken heart
- EFT for love pain
- Shared tapping provides benefits for relationship issues
- EFT Instead of the psych ward after a relationship breaks up
- Taking relationships work to a new level--The Odd Couple
- Reframes (seeing things differently) for guilt, shame and sorrow
- Restless leg syndrome linked to guilt - 20 years of restlessness gone in 2 sessions
- How to reduce guilt via an EFT "Tapping Circle" -- keeping privacy for everyone
- The Rolling EFT process
- The "Tapping the System" Technique
- How Guilt and Shame Block the Law of Attraction
- Using EFT for unnecessary guilt - Did EFT get someone's husband to cook dinner?
- EFT and infertility
- Stubborn guilt finally subsides after doing a search on our website and DVDs for ideas
- A bout of cystitis turns out to be a bout of guilt
- Writing a letter
- New Acupressure Discovery Reduces Stress 4 Ways: 80% Success Rate
- Many Stressed Women Abandon Healthy Lifestyle Habits: Simple Acupressure Technique Offers a Solution
- A new do-it-yourself approach to acupressure alleviates stress and, in turn neutralizes cold, flu an
- Psychotherapy Dramatically Improved By New 'Acupuncture Without Needles' Technique
- Eating Disorders
- Two Year Bulimia Problem Gets Major Assist in One Hour
- A Bulimia "one session wonder"
- Bulimia in Brazil
- Joe resolves his Anorexia...and more
- Love, diligence and an eating disorder
- Michal describes what it is like to be free from an eating disorder
- Anger Management
Shared tapping provides benefits for relationship issues
Note: This is one of 3,000 articles written prior to the updated Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tapping Tutorial™. It provides practical uses for EFT Tapping and most EFT'ers should find it very helpful. However, if your benefits are temporary or a more in-depth approach is needed, you are urged to (1) consult The Gold Standard EFT Tapping Tutorial, (2) Explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT, by reading our free e-book, The Unseen Therapist, and/or (3) get help from a Certified EFT Practitioner.
David Lake, MD, from Australia, shares his usual wit and wisdom in this creative use of EFT for relationship issues. Pay particular attention to how formerly combative self talk tends to soften and become more understanding and loving during this process. In my opinion, EFT should be the centerpiece of all relationship counseling. It allows the issues to resolve in a much more genuine and rapid fashion.
As part of my approach with many couples I introduce EFT and variations on the theme of meridian stimulation at an early stage. Let's assume first that there is a couple who wants help (not an individual, which is actually more common in relationship issues) and that they have had basic training in the EFT sequence, first on a neutral issue such as body tension. The majority of the tapping done in my sessions is "continual tapping", where any points are stimulated without stopping until the end of the session. For convenience the hand and wrist points are used most often. These are less "intimate" points, too, which can be a plus for a couple with difficulties and a lot of work to do.
The basic use of EFT is in self-soothing and used as first aid in dealing with the frustrations and reactions inherent in the "struggle" between two people who have different values. My most frequent use of EFT in a session is, however, in showing the couple how to incorporate tapping into mutual listening, understanding and validating. I call this "shared tapping". Finally, there is "mutual tapping" at the end of a productive session, where the two tap on each other's face points in silence, while looking at each other and thinking of what they most admire in the other. Naturally this part of using EFT is only gone well after the other phases and where there is plenty of goodwill and friendship in the relationship.
Shared tapping in my system is where the one who wants to speak does so while lending their arm to the partner. Shared tapping works best when the one doing the tapping says nothing and only taps on the finger and hand points while listening to what the partner says, until they have finished, Then they swap roles. They might be facing each other and sitting close or, more likely, sitting side by side--which is ideal. Obviously this technique reveals all the elements of active listening and allows each to be heard in turn. Then there is the effect of meridian stimulation for both (since the tapper is getting something too from the points 'accidentally' used while on the job). I incorporate this technique into all the ordinary couple dialogue and problem solving.
Here is a constructed dialogue of a little exchange which is a composite of feedback from many typical couple sessions using shared tapping. The couple is sitting side by side on the couch. (I put the dialogue down, with the inner private words in italics to follow, just for fun). It's a lighthearted example of how quickly tapping can help a couple navigate through the 'rapids'.
Man: Let me tap your fingers. You obviously have a lot to say (I hope this won't take forever...)
Woman: Yes, I do! You said you would clean up the yard more than a week ago and you haven't done any of it. When I look out there I feel...just so....(gets choked up).... (What do I have to do to get his attention?). You promised me!
Man: (just keeps tapping) (Here we go again...)
Woman: And you always find time to watch the game but you never get round to doing anything for me!
Man: (S--t! She's right about the yard. And the game. Always right, of course. But really cute when she gets mad. Oh well...) (Fights a strong urge to point out how hard he works during the week in a job he really doesn't like--but says nothing, and keeps tapping)
Woman: I just want a little help around here so I don't have to feel like I do everything. (Softens a little) I know you don't like doing it, but would you do it for me as a favor? (Whoops, I'm starting to beg again...) (Falls silent)
(They swap tapping roles)
Man: Great. As if it were that simple. There's no end to the work the way I see it. (Flash: she is doing most of it around here, and has her own job too!)...(Reflects on how easy it would be to blame her for upsetting him, by asking for help in the wrong way at the wrong time.... somehow that is not so satisfying as usual.... decides to avert the sulk)....(Quietly) I don't want to upset you, really I don't....it's just another job to me, but it's personal for you, isn't it?
Woman: says nothing, keeps tapping, nods happily through tears
Man: I'm having a moment here. What does the yard mean to you if it were clean and tidy? (It can't be this simple). ...Let's swap.
Woman: I would feel cared for, too. You would be showing your love for me (this is a miracle...I can't believe we're talking like this without a fight). And I know you do love me. (Calmly) I'm sorry I get so worked up but when you say you will do it, I feel wonderful when I do have your help.... then really bad when I don't get it.
Man: (OK. This I can do).
Woman: Thanks for listening, I feel a lot better
Man: I'm sorry about the whole thing. I think I get it.
(Tapping stops naturally)
Man: (Smiles and leaps to his feet, full of enthusiasm). I'm just going out into the yard. What I have in mind shouldn't take too long. I'll get the spa cleaned out too. Care to join me later?
Woman: (Definitely. I thought a sulky husband would mean a very boring evening). Now I'll have to do some more tapping about whether this is going to last!!
I have found that if a couple can be taught this method simply, they are likely to use it whenever important matters need sharing. It is effective as relaxation and tends to forestall fights and disputes, as each will be heard--often a significant change in the relationship to date. EFT somehow 'detunes' the primitive reactions and hurts that are so easily triggered in discussions, and this effect increases the more time is spent doing the tapping while talking. It can be a completely different experience to find that you don't have to agree on everything, or submit with bad grace, or sulk or have a temper tantrum while navigating a tender subject in a relationship.
It can also be very strengthening in a relationship to tap on the other in silence when your friend is hurting and you don't know what to say or do.
Dr. David Lake
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