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Other Emotional Issues

Anger Management

Transgender person with abusive mother relieves rage with EFT

Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Note: This article assumes you have a working knowledge of EFT. Newcomers can still learn from it but are advised to peruse our Free Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tutorial™ for a more complete understanding.

Hi Everyone,

Here's a fascinating article by Carna Zacharias-Miller that shows solid EFT approaches to an unusual problem. Note specifically how EFT seemed to go nowhere but then had a stunning delayed result. Carna's client says, "I don't know what happened, but there is no anger", she said, stunned. "No anger, I cannot believe it!" I asked about the viciousness of the government, but she just shrugged it off. "For the first time, I felt hurt, and not angry when I thought of my mother. This has never, ever happened in my whole life!"

Hugs, Gary

By Carna Zacharias-Miller, EFTCert-I

Dear Gary,

This is the case of a transgender person with an abusive, emotionally "missing mother". Just three sessions of EFT relieved a male to female transsexual non-op (a transsexual who undergoes hormonal treatments but does not have the surgery) of her severe, chronic anger - and she did not even believe in EFT. It also illustrates that EFT sometimes "kicks in" with stunning delay.


Margaret (not her real name), 65 years old, was sent to me by her nurse practitioner. She suffered from a host of debilitating diseases and intense, chronic anger. She was not really interested in this weird stuff called EFT and probed into my transgender/transsexual attitude before she made an appointment. She said, "You wouldn't believe what I hear, even from doctors."

In our first session, I taught her how to do EFT, and then asked if she felt any physical pain right now. She said that she had no energy and launched into a somewhat confrontational, very angry tirade about the government. It was a definite 10 on our scale of discomfort, her body got tense, and her face was red and hot. So we tapped:

Even though the government is waging a bio warfare against its citizens…

Even though the government cost me 5 to 6 years of my life...

Even though the government is killing people, it takes out whole families...

A slap in my face ... disabling me ... the government poisons us ...  does not care ... nobody cares ... you can't defend yourself ... you think it's a blue sky but it's all poison ...

After several rounds of tapping, the intensity was still at a solid 10. "What's this gonna do", Margaret said (meaning EFT), "my anger is justified, why should I let go of it."

I decided not to bang my head against that wall and opened a different door instead. I inquired about the transgender issue. Immediately, intense fear surfaced. She talked about how many transgender people are humiliated, physically attacked, and even killed. "Society does not accept us, we are considered worthless and threatening. Any redneck can kill us at any moment." I asked who represented this view of society first in her life.

"My mother", Margaret said (her father had not come home from World War II). The fear and anger was at a 10, and so we tapped many rounds.

My mother did not believe me when I said, "I'm a girl" at the age of three ... She did not let me play with the girls in the sandbox and said: "Get over it, this can't be." She forced me to behave like a boy..She put my cod on the porch when I was bedwetting and rubbed my face into the soiled sheets ... She beat me with a belt almost every day ... This belt on the door ... this reign of terror, and my sister was always on her side ...  I was the underdog, they ruled ... eat what's on your plate, do or die ...  this unfairness and injustice.. I am totally on my own ...  this fear and intimidation ... she would not even consider that I knew what I was feeling ... this fear, this rage, this terror ... .

Afterwards, it was still at a solid 10, and the session was over. It seemed as if we had made no progress whatsoever. Margaret was not sure if she wanted to come back, and, at that point, I wasn't sure either if I could help her. However, five minutes after she had left me, she called on her cell and made an appointment for a second session.

Five days later, she came back, a totally changed person. She was relaxed, smiling, and very open.

"I don't know what happened, but there is no anger", she said, stunned. "No anger, I cannot believe it!" I asked about the viciousness of the government, but she just shrugged it off. "For the first time, I felt hurt, and not angry when I thought of my mother. This has never, ever happened in my whole life!"

Now I was smiling too, and explained that EFT sometimes works with delay, although I had never experienced it in this dramatic way.

We decided to take on her driver's license. Since Margaret did not have the sex change surgery, she is, legally, considered a male. The big "M" in her driver's license is a daily source of anxiety, fear, and terror for her (a 10 on a scale of 0 to 10).

Even though my driver's license is a real threat, like a Grizzly bear in the woods, waiting to pounce...

Even though I am in serious danger as soon as somebody sees this “M”...

Even though I feel this immediate physical threat when somebody sees this "M" , it's a matter of life and death...

Even though it is so humiliating when people call me "Sir" as soon as they see the "M"...

After just a few rounds of tapping, I asked Margaret to take the driver's license into her hands and look at it. She did - and there was silence. "Look at the "M", I said.”What do you feel?"

Margaret laughed. "I don't feel anything about it, nothing. It's just a letter, like a P, or an L..." What a relief!

However, a different aspect came up: Margaret's concern that she would lose her alertness to real danger if she wasn't angry anymore. I suggested that she could be even more alert if these angry feelings didn't cloud her judgment, and reminded her that masters in the martial arts, who are extremely alert at all times, are never angry. Margaret liked that idea, and so we tapped on this concern until it dropped way down.



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