- Other Emotional Issues
- Anger Management
- Getting over a gang rape--including a follow-up
- EFT alleviates horrendous self-hatred and rage
- Calming down Teddy, an emotionally disturbedboy
- EFT for anger underlying ALS
- Releasing anger at parents allowed healing of ulcerative colitis and headaches
- Suppressed anger expelled via the stomach
- EFT for self righteous anger
- Intuitional work with anger
- A First Class use of Surrogate EFT for Bill's anger and behavior issues
- EFT Transforms "hopping-mad" anger
- An unusual anger release
- Anger in a homeless shelter
- A murderous rage is calmed with EFT
- Josh: Building rapport with children--anger & behavior problems.
- EFT for anger helps both Ann and her angry husband--note the surrogate approach
- Unbearable hatred toward classmates
- Anger and Hostility are Proven to Damage Lungs; Simple Acupressure Technique Offers a Solution
- Anger case history from a client
- EFT for workplace anger
- EFT and severe mental illness--a murderous impulse
- An interesting approach to EFT and road rage
- Using EFT for on-the-spot "hopping mad" anger
- Surrogate EFT for fighting neighbors
- Brandon's Story--anger problem becomes history: (including an update at the end)
- EFT for deep seated anger
- EFT resolves long term resentment
- The EFT Cooling Tower Technique for Letting off Steam
- Anger management approach for a polarity responder
- The cause of our anger isn't always as it appears
- A client talks about her abusive childhood and her relief via EFT
- Resentments relieved 22 years after a poor birthing experience
- Stubborn anger issue falls to 0 with emphatic "say what you feel" wording.
- Road Rage and hives disappear in one session after getting to the core issue
- Press Release: Can a One-Minute Anger Management Technique Reduce Injury Risk and Chronic Illness?
- Releasing anger patterns with EFT
- A client resolves lifelong anger on her own
- Clearing anger and self loathing with EFT via introduction to inner child
- School Counselor on anger and tension,
- Getting behind a successful EFT anger case
- New Technique Helps Avoid Heart Damage by Diffusing Anger Within Marital Arguments
- The client who continually felt resentful
- Employee overcomes anger at supervisor
- Jonas uses EFT for deeper meditation - dangerous PSA reading is now only 0.4
- Using EFT to self-calm an intense anger tantrum
- Useful thoughts on anger by Stewart Robertson
- Football Star Uses New Acupressure Technique to Calm his Road Rage -- No Drugs Needed
- Transgender person with abusive mother relieves rage with EFT
- Anger case--the urge to explode
- Even dropping the kids off at school provides tapping opportunities - an anger issue
- A successful but involved depression case--"I don't want to tell you how well I'm doing"
- EFT resolves 12 years of postnatal depression
- What was REALLY causing Anne's depression?
- EFT student eases his wife's suicidal thoughts
- Louella: Depression, pesticides and low blood sugar
- Surrogate tapping and its effect on depression.
- Persistent EFT by Email on depression, anger and anxiety
- Cross dressing, sexuality and depression
- Long term severe depression gone in ten minutes
- Jaqui Crooks used EFT to overcome her Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
- Maggie eliminates her own depression
- A textbook depression case--a "one minute wonder" complete with belief changes
- Approaching Depression with the Tearless Trauma Technique
- After 15 years of therapy, including shock therapy, EFT helps release depression
- A case that didn't work--and some suggestions
- A first class look at using EFT for a complex case - depression, guilt, grief and abandonment
- Was it really a manic/depressive disorder?
- Depression with numerous underlying issues
- Major results for anxiety, depression and social issues from one thorough EFT session and consistent EFT "homework"
- Success with a skeptical, depressed scientist - follow up included
- Depression, low self esteem and childhood traumas
- Persistence and a challenging case - Incest, abuse, depression, anxiety attacks, nightmares and flashbacks
- A mis-diagnosed manic/depressive disorder
- Newbie uses EFT on depression, allergic reactions and more
- Hair loss and facial blemishes fade after EFT relieves important emotional issues -- Depression too!
- Adrienne, a physician
- Gary discusses depression and some new ideas
- A non-therapist does superb work on depression--including her own.
- Press Release: New Method for Depression Often Works When Nothing Else Will
- 30+ years of depression gone in 2 minutes
- EFT saves a life by rapidly resolving suicidal depression
- Depression and confusion about God
- EFT on personal depression--"I was angry at myself"
- Depression Drugs and Migraine Drugs Don't Always Do The Job
- Dr. Patricia Carrington on depression--a detailed discussion, including meds
- Depression, height phobia and claustrophobia eliminated in one session
- Depression related to guilt
- When depression comes from a related issue
- EFT instead of shock treatments?
- From depressed and suicidal ... to ... "I laugh all the time
- Depression on Death Row
- EFT Newcomer eliminates his own deep depression and anxiety disorder
- An intimate look at Depression
- Panic And Anxiety
- Getting to the core of "Mark's" anxiety
- EFT for overeating and panic attacks
- Performance anxiety at a music camp
- Gayla uses EFT for panic
- Travel Anxiety--using the Tell the Story Technique
- Febrile convulsions and related panic attacks subside--not one attack in the two years since she learned to use EFT
- Successful surrogate tapping for surgery anxiety
- Persistence and Panic Attacks - Quality results on a stubborn issue
- Husband relieves wife of major panic attack
- EFT newcomer rids himself of social anxiety
- Relief for another stress related cough
- Using EFT for panic when nobody is around
- New Method for Treating Anxiety Works When Conventional Treatments Fail
- Clearing social anxiety with EFT
- Two surrogate tapping cases: Dental anxiety and severe stomach ache
- Panic Attacks: Getting behind the thought process
- Current "in your face" anxiety and stress case
- EFT makes good progress with panic, agoraphobia and feeling like a failure
- Detective work crucial in relief for panic attacks
- Combining EFT with the Inner Theater approach for panic attacks
- Testing your EFT work: Feeling trapped and panic attacks
- A Quality "How To Do It" Session for Fear and Anxiety
- Diagnosed as a schizophrenic, Gregoire had anxiety, stress and insomnia
- Medical school test anxiety--from C's and D's to A's and B's
- Success story with 10 day anxiety attack
- Sports anxiety, heat sensitivity, being away from home, loneliness, fear of insects.
- 20 year old abduction anxiety calmed with EFT
- Collapsing a client's anxiety from the 9/11 disaster--with 4 year follow-up
- Anxiety and the fear of being alone
- EFT student uses tapping to immediately calm down after a major car accident
- Using EFT for a client who feels out of control.
- One EFT round with Deborah's daughter relieves performance anxiety
- Surgery anxiety and EFT
- EFT helps adult learners overcome school and math anxiety
- EFT on a case of extreme separation anxiety in a dog and the importance of Core Issues for Animals
- Study Shows Simple Drug-Free Acupressure Technique Reduces Dental Anxiety
- Detective work provides help for an anxiety disorder
- Imagination tapping on the finger points reduces stress level to zero
- Newcomer uses EFT to collapse his own panic-attacks and writes letter to "Quackwatch"
- A detailed panic attack case
- Eric Robins, MD and Lisa Cox on surgery anxieties
- Severe anxiety client has his life back
- EFT Newbie resolves her own major trip anxiety
- Panic attacks and heart palpitations subside after doing EFT on dreams
- Anxiety, eating and more
- Success in neutralizing unwanted memories without the client disclosing the content
- One EFT phone session resolves driving test anxiety -- and the benefits expand
- Panic attacks and fear of darkness
- Addressing Generalized Anxiety Disorder by aiming EFT at specific events
- Non-therapist relieves stress in the form of a temper tantrum
- EFT for panic attacks
- Who Would Have Thought That Acupressure Could Relieve Social Anxiety Better Than Drugs or Therapy?
- Daddy left me. Will my new boyfriend leave me too?
- Courtroom anxiety AND anxiety about calling employers
- Daily tapping for Panic Attacks
- Anxiety related to atrial fibrillation is calmed with EFT
- Performance anxiety and many aspects
- EFT brings relief for trauma, anxiety, and an overactive bladder, all in less than an hour
- Test anxiety
- Using EFT for Social Anxiety Disorder
- Surgeon Uses New Acupressure Technique to Lower Surgery Risk
- Overcoming Test Anxiety with New Drug-Free Technique: 80% Success Rate
- OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
- A grief case with many aspects
- Uncontrollable grief resolved with EFT
- Attorney helps client by using EFT for long term unresolved grief
- Relieving grief over the death of Higgins the dog
- When certain music triggers grief and sadness
- Freedom from grief in only 15 minutes
- Using EFT for Bereavement
- EFT turns grief into beauty
- EFT eliminates unnecessary grief emotions and softens the grieving process - includes 2 month follow up
- EFT brings healing to a whole family while one woman heals her grief
- Community relief from grief with EFT
- This new Widow was helped in many ways by EFT
- EFT for grief and pet loss
- Getting to important emotions by doing EFT while looking in the mirror
- Tapping through grief leads to incredible insight and relief
- EFT for pain and grief for a birth mother who wasn't allowed to see her child -- a touching story with a happy ending
- An easy grief case with an aspect that showed up later
- Imaginary tapping sends grief away
- EFT setup statements for grief
- Fresh grief and a double benefit.
- Grief changes to smiles
- EFT may be a great relief to grief-stricken nurses who lose patients
- Using EFT to improve a relationship
- EFT, One Minute Wonders and Opening to Love
- EFT by telephone smoothes out a tense family reunion
- Insights into picking up another person
- EFT heals a broken heart in rapid time
- Relationships, EFT and Spirituality
- Improve relationships by Tapping in the Positive
- Using EFT for relationship issues--a detailed case
- Tapping on relationship issues
- Interesting way to use EFT & Tappy Bear for a broken heart
- "I didn't like kissing my wife after she drank coffee."
- Jack improves his relationship with his grandson using surrogate EFT
- Addressing relationship and family issues by tapping on photographs
- Tapping into a state of Love
- EFT resolves a 10 year heartbreak
- Relationship Issue: "My husband was being a jerk"
- Using EFT to prepare for a difficult encounter
- How clearing an intense cough led to improved family relationships--an EFT two-for-one EFT benefit
- MD introduces an innovative idea that brings relief for stubborn relationship issue
- Finding the love you want by healing the inner child
- Relationship issue: A humorous approach
- What holds you back from your lover?
- EFT is instrumental in bringing a couple back together
- Relationships - on "Being Right"
- Instant relationship fix?
- Using EFT for a Broken Heart
- The Healing Power of Forgiveness
- Love, Intuition, Patience and EFT help a schizophrenic 15 year old.
- EFT for Couples
- Combining role playing with EFT for relationships and other issues
- Relationship success after finding core issue
- EFT to heal family relationships
- Using EFT on "blocking thoughts" to good relationships
- Surrogate EFT heals a broken heart for a 16 year old boy
- Retired Stanford professor fixes his wife's computer with EFT
- Shared tapping provides benefits for relationship issues
- EFT Instead of the psych ward after a relationship breaks up
- Taking relationships work to a new level--The Odd Couple
- EFT and meditation for a broken heart
- EFT for love pain
- Reframes (seeing things differently) for guilt, shame and sorrow
- Restless leg syndrome linked to guilt - 20 years of restlessness gone in 2 sessions
- How to reduce guilt via an EFT "Tapping Circle" -- keeping privacy for everyone
- The "Tapping the System" Technique
- The Rolling EFT process
- Using EFT for unnecessary guilt - Did EFT get someone's husband to cook dinner?
- How Guilt and Shame Block the Law of Attraction
- Stubborn guilt finally subsides after doing a search on our website and DVDs for ideas
- EFT and infertility
- A bout of cystitis turns out to be a bout of guilt
- Writing a letter
- New Acupressure Discovery Reduces Stress 4 Ways: 80% Success Rate
- Many Stressed Women Abandon Healthy Lifestyle Habits: Simple Acupressure Technique Offers a Solution
- To Physicians: New Discoveries in Acupressure Promise Everything From Alertness to Pain and Stress Management
- A new do-it-yourself approach to acupressure alleviates stress and, in turn neutralizes cold, flu an
- Psychotherapy Dramatically Improved By New 'Acupuncture Without Needles' Technique
- Eating Disorders
- Two Year Bulimia Problem Gets Major Assist in One Hour
- A Bulimia "one session wonder"
- Bulimia in Brazil
- "Acceptance Tapping" - A powerful EFT treatment variation for severe compulsive disorders and bulimia.
- Joe resolves his Anorexia...and more
- Love, diligence and an eating disorder
- Michal describes what it is like to be free from an eating disorder
- Anger Management
Finding the love you want by healing the inner child
Note: This is one of 3,000 articles written prior to the updated Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tapping Tutorial™. It provides practical uses for EFT Tapping and most EFT'ers should find it very helpful. However, if your benefits are temporary or a more in-depth approach is needed, you are urged to explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT, by reading our free e-book, The Unseen Therapist, and/or (3) get help from a Certified EFT Practitioner.
Note: This article assumes you have a working knowledge of EFT. Newcomers can still learn from it but are advised to peruse our Free Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tutorial™ for a more complete understanding.
Stefan Gonick gives his views on this popular subject. He says, "Why is finding love so hard for so many people? The truth is that most people aren't aware of their own blocks to finding love, so they aren't in a position to change their outcome. However, once these blocks are understood, EFT can be a powerful solution for clearing them and finally having a wonderful and successful love life."
Many people find themselves in an endless and frustrating search for love. They either have an extremely hard time finding a partner or end up having a series of unhappy and unsuccessful relationships.
Why is finding love so hard for so many people? The truth is that most people aren't aware of their own blocks to finding love, so they aren't in a position to change their outcome. However, once these blocks are understood, EFT can be a powerful solution for clearing them and finally having a wonderful and successful love life.
In my opinion there are three main types of barriers to finding the love of your life:
- You are strongly attracted to the wrong people.
- You have blocks to being with the right people, leading to self-sabotage.
- You are not aligned with bringing your soulmate into your life.
In this article, I will focus on the first barrier of being attracted to the wrong people and how to heal that with EFT.
If you are attracted to the wrong people, then all of your time and energy will be wasted in painful, dead-end relationships. This unhappy situation will obviously make it hard to find and be with the right person. So, what causes you to be attracted to the wrong people?
As you grow up, you unconsciously form an image of your future partner based on the strongest traits of your parents, both good and bad. You will then be subconsciously attracted to people with similar traits. This is not a problem for the good traits, but it can be a big problem for the bad ones.
For instance, let's say that your father had a number of good traits, including intelligence, strength, humor and so on. However, he tended to be emotionally distant and unavailable. A woman who grew up in this environment would tend to find intelligent, strong, humorous, emotionally unavailable men the sexiest men on the planet! It's all good except for that one fatal flaw. Sound familiar?
Similarly, if a man grew up with a warm, loving and giving mother who also happened to be insecure and needy, what kind of women might he be drawn to? It is important to note that you are not limited to being attracted to the traits of the parent of the opposite sex. Your subconscious image can be a combination of either or both parents.
Finding Love Exercise - Your Parents' Negative Traits
Think about your parents' negative traits. In fact, write them down. When you have the list of negative traits from both parents, see if there is any commonality with your past relationships. You may be surprised (even horrified).
Breaking Out of the Bad Relationship Blues
When a parent has a strong negative trait, it puts you in the painful position of not having an important need met as a child. For instance, earlier we talked about the example of having an emotionally distant father. The unmet needs in this case were being emotionally close to Daddy, which also would validate one's worth as a person.
As an adult you are then attracted to people with similar negative traits as your parents. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop there. You also can get very hooked on trying to get the original unmet need met with this new partner. However, since this partner has the same negative trait as your parent, you won't be able to get your need met with this person either! For example, just as your father didn't meet your need for closeness, an emotionally distant partner will not meet your need for closeness either.
In this situation you may keep repeating the same unhappiness you experienced in childhood due to the presence of a very powerful force. You see, the child part of you has never given up on trying to be close to Daddy, and your romantic partner is being a stand-in for Daddy (or Mommy). This isn't weird or sick - it's perfectly normal!
The unhappy paradox here is that you are drawn to people who also won't meet your needs instead of being drawn to people who would be good at meeting your needs. Yikes! Wouldn't it make sense to be with people who could meet your needs instead of ones who won't? Clearly yes, but you need to address that powerful force keeping you stuck in order to do that.
Healing the original wound of the unmet childhood need
So, how do you get yourself out of this mess? The answer is that you have to heal the original wound of not getting your need met by your parent. Once you have done this, you will no longer be drawn to people with that same negative trait. You will instead be drawn to people who can meet your needs. In the example of the distant father, you would stop being drawn to distant partners and be drawn to people who are very capable of being emotionally close instead.
There are two parts to healing the original wound so that you can break out of this pattern. The first part is to work through the pain of your parent's negative trait and the pain of not getting the associated need met by that parent.
It's the pain of the original wound that keeps you locked into the pattern of trying to get your needs met with similar people. Your young wounded self gets frozen in time, never giving up on getting your need met by your parent. Releasing the original pain frees up that part of you. This is where EFT can be such a powerful help.
The second part is to learn to give to yourself what you didn't get from your parents when you were growing up. You see, when you get a need met by your parents, you naturally learn to fulfill that need for yourself as an adult. For example, when a parent is close to you and gives you good attention, you feel validated as a person and learn to validate yourself as an adult. When you are not validated by your parent, you don't learn how to validate yourself as an adult. Instead, you look to other people to validate you. Unfortunately, you are attracted to people who also won't validate you. Paradoxically, if you learn how to validate yourself, you will be attracted to people who will be able to be close and validating. Wouldn't that be wonderful?
Healing the childhood wound with EFT
So, how do you heal the childhood wound of the unmet need with EFT? Unfortunately, it's not a simple formula where I can give you a standard set of tapping phrases. Instead, I can only give you general guidelines for healing the wound with EFT.
Basically, you need to address memories (or scenarios if you can't remember specific memories) where you painfully experienced your parent's negative trait. You need to tap on the pain of the negative trait as well as the pain of not getting the associated need met.
For instance, let's say that you had a critical parent, which has led to you being attracted to critical partners. You would want to tap on memories of being painfully criticized growing up. When tapping on those memories, you also want to tap on the pain of not being accepted as you are. This was the associated unmet need. You might tap on the specific criticisms that you heard from your parent to help release the pain in a very targeted way. You would then tap on the pain of not being accepted for the things for which you were criticized.
Giving to yourself what you didn't get from your parents
Finally, you will want to give yourself the acceptance that you didn't get from your parent. You would want to tap on accepting yourself for those same things. One way to do this is to use Pat Carrington's Choices Method. For instance, you might tap on something like:
Even though Dad didn't accept me for (fill in issue) I choose to accept myself for (issue) with warmth, love and appreciation.
GC COMMENT: The choices method is usually best used at the end of a session after all negative issues have been collapsed.
Another way to do this is with deep inner child work facilitated by EFT. This is something that I do with my clients with dramatic results. In this type of work, you develop a loving relationship with your wounded inner child to directly give to her or him what your parent didn't give to you. This is incredibly healing but I don't have space in this article to describe that here.
In both cases, the general idea and goal is to learn to satisfy the unmet need yourself by giving to yourself what you didn't get from your parent.
Once you have released the pain from your parent's negative behavior and the unmet need and learned to satisfy that need for yourself, you will be free. You will have broken out of the doomed pattern of being attracted to the wrong people, and you will finally be able to attract and move towards healthy love.
Hugs to all,
FOR MORE EFT HELP ...
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