Relationships

MD introduces an innovative idea that brings relief for stubborn relationship issue

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Hi Everyone,

Curtis Steele MD, a psychiatrist in Canada, gives us this very clever method he used to help his client maintain an intimate and sustained relationship. Please note how the method uses a different form of surrogate tapping. This idea is useful for a wide variety of issues.

Hugs, Gary


By Curtis Steele MD

Some years ago I had, as a patient, a business woman in her mid–thirties who wanted to have a successful relationship.  She was attractive and successful in many other aspects of her life, but she could not tolerate being in an intimate and sustained relationship.  Most of her boyfriends were from another part of the country and they met for weekends only occasionally.  She once actually married one of them; and it ended in three weeks.

I tried to work psychologically with her and got nowhere, as she was hardened against feeling her emotions.  I thought of her as a beautiful “Ice Maiden”. She got no response to the way I was using EFT back then (Perhaps now with my presently developed EFT skills I would get good results sooner). I saw her about once a month for three sessions and was feeling increasingly stumped.  I switched tactics and inquired about her family. She was painfully alienated from her mother who was reported to be bitter and lonely, taking no pleasure in anything. 

In a moment of inspiration I pointed to another chair and said “sit in that chair and be your mother.”  I then interviewed her as if I was actually talking to mother, introducing myself and explaining that I was working with her daughter.  I asked if she’d be willing to tell me about herself so I could better understand how to help her daughter.  I said that I understood she had a hard life and would she tell me about what it was like for her when she was growing up.  She had been raised in a home where both parents were irresponsible alcoholics.  She had to see to it that there was food on the table or they might not eat, etc.  She married a man who became like her parents, so she kicked him out.

I then explained that I had a healing technique that had been useful to many people, a kind of psychological acupuncture (without needles) and would she be willing to try it.

The set-up was: “Even though I had this terrible miserable childhood, I absolutely and totally accept myself.”  We did several rounds of this and she was reporting relief.  By then the session was ending.  I thanked “mother” and asked the patient to come back to her original chair.  We didn’t have much time for discussion.

She returned a month later and her first excited words were: “Do you know what?!  My mother has changed her life, she’s started having fun!”  Following this she herself began changing in therapy.  EFT was very successful and she went though issues like a knife through soft butter.  Within several months she was in a relationship with a man who lived nearby and they were setting up housekeeping.  Within six months they were engaged and planning for an early wedding.  She didn’t need any other appointments.  That was five years ago and I haven’t heard from her since.  

I like the motto for therapists “Don’t expect applause.”

Curtis Steele MD

 

 

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