- Other Emotional Issues
- Anger Management
- Anger case history from a client
- EFT for workplace anger
- Josh: Building rapport with children--anger & behavior problems.
- EFT for anger helps both Ann and her angry husband--note the surrogate approach
- Unbearable hatred toward classmates
- Anger and Hostility are Proven to Damage Lungs; Simple Acupressure Technique Offers a Solution
- Brandon's Story--anger problem becomes history: (including an update at the end)
- EFT for deep seated anger
- EFT and severe mental illness--a murderous impulse
- An interesting approach to EFT and road rage
- Using EFT for on-the-spot "hopping mad" anger
- Surrogate EFT for fighting neighbors
- A client talks about her abusive childhood and her relief via EFT
- Resentments relieved 22 years after a poor birthing experience
- EFT resolves long term resentment
- The EFT Cooling Tower Technique for Letting off Steam
- Anger management approach for a polarity responder
- The cause of our anger isn't always as it appears
- A client resolves lifelong anger on her own
- Clearing anger and self loathing with EFT via introduction to inner child
- Stubborn anger issue falls to 0 with emphatic "say what you feel" wording.
- Road Rage and hives disappear in one session after getting to the core issue
- Press Release: Can a One-Minute Anger Management Technique Reduce Injury Risk and Chronic Illness?
- Releasing anger patterns with EFT
- The client who continually felt resentful
- Employee overcomes anger at supervisor
- Jonas uses EFT for deeper meditation - dangerous PSA reading is now only 0.4
- School Counselor on anger and tension,
- Getting behind a successful EFT anger case
- New Technique Helps Avoid Heart Damage by Diffusing Anger Within Marital Arguments
- Transgender person with abusive mother relieves rage with EFT
- Anger case--the urge to explode
- Even dropping the kids off at school provides tapping opportunities - an anger issue
- Using EFT to self-calm an intense anger tantrum
- Useful thoughts on anger by Stewart Robertson
- Football Star Uses New Acupressure Technique to Calm his Road Rage -- No Drugs Needed
- Suppressed anger expelled via the stomach
- EFT for self righteous anger
- Getting over a gang rape--including a follow-up
- EFT alleviates horrendous self-hatred and rage
- Calming down Teddy, an emotionally disturbedboy
- EFT for anger underlying ALS
- Releasing anger at parents allowed healing of ulcerative colitis and headaches
- Anger in a homeless shelter
- A murderous rage is calmed with EFT
- Intuitional work with anger
- A First Class use of Surrogate EFT for Bill's anger and behavior issues
- EFT Transforms "hopping-mad" anger
- An unusual anger release
- Was it really a manic/depressive disorder?
- A textbook depression case--a "one minute wonder" complete with belief changes
- Approaching Depression with the Tearless Trauma Technique
- After 15 years of therapy, including shock therapy, EFT helps release depression
- A case that didn't work--and some suggestions
- A first class look at using EFT for a complex case - depression, guilt, grief and abandonment
- A mis-diagnosed manic/depressive disorder
- Depression with numerous underlying issues
- Major results for anxiety, depression and social issues from one thorough EFT session and consistent EFT "homework"
- Success with a skeptical, depressed scientist - follow up included
- Depression, low self esteem and childhood traumas
- Persistence and a challenging case - Incest, abuse, depression, anxiety attacks, nightmares and flashbacks
- A non-therapist does superb work on depression--including her own.
- Newbie uses EFT on depression, allergic reactions and more
- Hair loss and facial blemishes fade after EFT relieves important emotional issues -- Depression too!
- Adrienne, a physician
- Gary discusses depression and some new ideas
- Depression and confusion about God
- EFT on personal depression--"I was angry at myself"
- Press Release: New Method for Depression Often Works When Nothing Else Will
- 30+ years of depression gone in 2 minutes
- EFT saves a life by rapidly resolving suicidal depression
- Depression related to guilt
- When depression comes from a related issue
- Depression Drugs and Migraine Drugs Don't Always Do The Job
- Dr. Patricia Carrington on depression--a detailed discussion, including meds
- Depression, height phobia and claustrophobia eliminated in one session
- An intimate look at Depression
- EFT instead of shock treatments?
- From depressed and suicidal ... to ... "I laugh all the time
- Depression on Death Row
- EFT Newcomer eliminates his own deep depression and anxiety disorder
- Louella: Depression, pesticides and low blood sugar
- A successful but involved depression case--"I don't want to tell you how well I'm doing"
- EFT resolves 12 years of postnatal depression
- What was REALLY causing Anne's depression?
- EFT student eases his wife's suicidal thoughts
- Maggie eliminates her own depression
- Surrogate tapping and its effect on depression.
- Persistent EFT by Email on depression, anger and anxiety
- Cross dressing, sexuality and depression
- Long term severe depression gone in ten minutes
- Jaqui Crooks used EFT to overcome her Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
- Panic And Anxiety
- A Quality "How To Do It" Session for Fear and Anxiety
- Diagnosed as a schizophrenic, Gregoire had anxiety, stress and insomnia
- Current "in your face" anxiety and stress case
- EFT makes good progress with panic, agoraphobia and feeling like a failure
- Detective work crucial in relief for panic attacks
- Combining EFT with the Inner Theater approach for panic attacks
- Testing your EFT work: Feeling trapped and panic attacks
- Anxiety and the fear of being alone
- EFT student uses tapping to immediately calm down after a major car accident
- Medical school test anxiety--from C's and D's to A's and B's
- Success story with 10 day anxiety attack
- Sports anxiety, heat sensitivity, being away from home, loneliness, fear of insects.
- 20 year old abduction anxiety calmed with EFT
- Collapsing a client's anxiety from the 9/11 disaster--with 4 year follow-up
- Study Shows Simple Drug-Free Acupressure Technique Reduces Dental Anxiety
- Detective work provides help for an anxiety disorder
- Imagination tapping on the finger points reduces stress level to zero
- Using EFT for a client who feels out of control.
- One EFT round with Deborah's daughter relieves performance anxiety
- Surgery anxiety and EFT
- EFT helps adult learners overcome school and math anxiety
- EFT on a case of extreme separation anxiety in a dog and the importance of Core Issues for Animals
- EFT Newbie resolves her own major trip anxiety
- Panic attacks and heart palpitations subside after doing EFT on dreams
- Anxiety, eating and more
- Success in neutralizing unwanted memories without the client disclosing the content
- Newcomer uses EFT to collapse his own panic-attacks and writes letter to "Quackwatch"
- A detailed panic attack case
- Eric Robins, MD and Lisa Cox on surgery anxieties
- Severe anxiety client has his life back
- Who Would Have Thought That Acupressure Could Relieve Social Anxiety Better Than Drugs or Therapy?
- Daddy left me. Will my new boyfriend leave me too?
- Courtroom anxiety AND anxiety about calling employers
- One EFT phone session resolves driving test anxiety -- and the benefits expand
- Panic attacks and fear of darkness
- Addressing Generalized Anxiety Disorder by aiming EFT at specific events
- Non-therapist relieves stress in the form of a temper tantrum
- EFT for panic attacks
- Surgeon Uses New Acupressure Technique to Lower Surgery Risk
- Overcoming Test Anxiety with New Drug-Free Technique: 80% Success Rate
- Daily tapping for Panic Attacks
- Anxiety related to atrial fibrillation is calmed with EFT
- Performance anxiety and many aspects
- EFT brings relief for trauma, anxiety, and an overactive bladder, all in less than an hour
- Test anxiety
- Using EFT for Social Anxiety Disorder
- Successful surrogate tapping for surgery anxiety
- Persistence and Panic Attacks - Quality results on a stubborn issue
- Getting to the core of "Mark's" anxiety
- EFT for overeating and panic attacks
- Performance anxiety at a music camp
- Gayla uses EFT for panic
- Travel Anxiety--using the Tell the Story Technique
- Febrile convulsions and related panic attacks subside--not one attack in the two years since she learned to use EFT
- Two surrogate tapping cases: Dental anxiety and severe stomach ache
- Panic Attacks: Getting behind the thought process
- Husband relieves wife of major panic attack
- EFT newcomer rids himself of social anxiety
- Relief for another stress related cough
- Using EFT for panic when nobody is around
- New Method for Treating Anxiety Works When Conventional Treatments Fail
- Clearing social anxiety with EFT
- OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
- Using EFT for Bereavement
- EFT turns grief into beauty
- EFT eliminates unnecessary grief emotions and softens the grieving process - includes 2 month follow up
- EFT brings healing to a whole family while one woman heals her grief
- Community relief from grief with EFT
- This new Widow was helped in many ways by EFT
- EFT for grief and pet loss
- Getting to important emotions by doing EFT while looking in the mirror
- Tapping through grief leads to incredible insight and relief
- EFT for pain and grief for a birth mother who wasn't allowed to see her child -- a touching story with a happy ending
- An easy grief case with an aspect that showed up later
- Imaginary tapping sends grief away
- EFT setup statements for grief
- Fresh grief and a double benefit.
- Grief changes to smiles
- EFT may be a great relief to grief-stricken nurses who lose patients
- A grief case with many aspects
- Uncontrollable grief resolved with EFT
- Attorney helps client by using EFT for long term unresolved grief
- Relieving grief over the death of Higgins the dog
- When certain music triggers grief and sadness
- Freedom from grief in only 15 minutes
- "I didn't like kissing my wife after she drank coffee."
- Jack improves his relationship with his grandson using surrogate EFT
- Addressing relationship and family issues by tapping on photographs
- Tapping into a state of Love
- EFT resolves a 10 year heartbreak
- MD introduces an innovative idea that brings relief for stubborn relationship issue
- Finding the love you want by healing the inner child
- Relationship Issue: "My husband was being a jerk"
- Using EFT to prepare for a difficult encounter
- How clearing an intense cough led to improved family relationships--an EFT two-for-one EFT benefit
- Relationships - on "Being Right"
- Instant relationship fix?
- Relationship issue: A humorous approach
- What holds you back from your lover?
- EFT is instrumental in bringing a couple back together
- Using EFT for a Broken Heart
- The Healing Power of Forgiveness
- Love, Intuition, Patience and EFT help a schizophrenic 15 year old.
- EFT for Couples
- Combining role playing with EFT for relationships and other issues
- Relationship success after finding core issue
- EFT to heal family relationships
- Using EFT on "blocking thoughts" to good relationships
- Surrogate EFT heals a broken heart for a 16 year old boy
- Retired Stanford professor fixes his wife's computer with EFT
- Shared tapping provides benefits for relationship issues
- EFT Instead of the psych ward after a relationship breaks up
- Taking relationships work to a new level--The Odd Couple
- EFT and meditation for a broken heart
- EFT for love pain
- Using EFT to improve a relationship
- EFT, One Minute Wonders and Opening to Love
- EFT by telephone smoothes out a tense family reunion
- Insights into picking up another person
- EFT heals a broken heart in rapid time
- Relationships, EFT and Spirituality
- Improve relationships by Tapping in the Positive
- Using EFT for relationship issues--a detailed case
- Tapping on relationship issues
- Interesting way to use EFT & Tappy Bear for a broken heart
- How to reduce guilt via an EFT "Tapping Circle" -- keeping privacy for everyone
- The "Tapping the System" Technique
- The Rolling EFT process
- Using EFT for unnecessary guilt - Did EFT get someone's husband to cook dinner?
- How Guilt and Shame Block the Law of Attraction
- Stubborn guilt finally subsides after doing a search on our website and DVDs for ideas
- EFT and infertility
- A bout of cystitis turns out to be a bout of guilt
- Writing a letter
- Reframes (seeing things differently) for guilt, shame and sorrow
- Restless leg syndrome linked to guilt - 20 years of restlessness gone in 2 sessions
- To Physicians: New Discoveries in Acupressure Promise Everything From Alertness to Pain and Stress Management
- A new do-it-yourself approach to acupressure alleviates stress and, in turn neutralizes cold, flu an
- Psychotherapy Dramatically Improved By New 'Acupuncture Without Needles' Technique
- New Acupressure Discovery Reduces Stress 4 Ways: 80% Success Rate
- Many Stressed Women Abandon Healthy Lifestyle Habits: Simple Acupressure Technique Offers a Solution
- Eating Disorders
- Two Year Bulimia Problem Gets Major Assist in One Hour
- A Bulimia "one session wonder"
- Bulimia in Brazil
- "Acceptance Tapping" - A powerful EFT treatment variation for severe compulsive disorders and bulimia.
- Joe resolves his Anorexia...and more
- Love, diligence and an eating disorder
- Michal describes what it is like to be free from an eating disorder
- Anger Management
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Other Emotional Issues
How Guilt and Shame Block the Law of Attraction
Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™. Best wishes, Gary
Here is a first class series of 4 articles wherein Dr. Carol Look gets behind the popular Law of Attraction and shows us ways to blend it with EFT for optimum results.
Part 1 of 4
In this 4 part series, I will demonstrate how to get underneath this common problem of sabotage fueled by guilt and shame. For the purposes of this series, I will define guilt as the feeling you have when you have done something wrong, and the feeling of shame as more pervasive, a feeling of actually being defective or wrong to your core.
There have been boatloads of complaints and questions about why the Law of Attraction “isn’t working” or “doesn’t work” or even “backfires” when applied in the way it is portrayed in the hit movie, “The Secret.” The Law of Attraction DOES work, and does work all the time. The problem isn’t the Law of Attraction, the problem is that we have so much resistance and so many levels of negative feelings that our actual focus tends to be on our lack of worthiness, belief that we don’t deserve abundance, or anxiety about success in general. These are our “tail enders” as Gary would describe it, and they are more powerful than visualization and focusing exercises until we address and neutralize them with EFT. Strong feelings of guilt and shame get in the way of the Law of Attraction working in your favor, because the Law of Attraction hears your vibration, not your words.
When you feel guilty about something you did or said, or feel ashamed to your core, you don’t feel deserving of success or abundance in your life, no matter what people say or offer you. These feelings are often deep within, and are far more powerful that any “positive thinking” or vision boards. These “tail enders” (what we really believe) are the culprit and eventually win out. Law of Attraction is in fact working, you’re getting what you focus on. In these cases, you’re attracting the louder, more active vibration, and it is often a feeling of guilt, shame or lack of worthiness.
When you don’t feel deserving of abundance, you engage in subtle and not so subtle sabotage behavior to punish yourself. I will show you how to get “specific” and collapse these real reasons you sabotage your abundance in all areas of your life.
I don’t know anyone personally or professionally who couldn’t come up with a few situations for which they feel guilty! There are 4 categories of guilt that I will discuss in this series followed by some examples of shame:
(1) You did or said something nasty, hurtful, or untrue for which you feel guilty now, even decades later.
(2) You didn’t do something or say something you could/should have to correct a situation, and you feel guilty and regretful about what you perceive as a blatant “omission” on your part.
(3) You can clearly identify feelings of anger, resentment, or impatience towards a loved one, but more importantly, you feel guilty about having these feelings! And refrain from admitting or expressing them.
(4) You feel guilty for rebelling against authority figures and going with your own gut feelings. Even though you made a choice that was best for you at the time, the authority figure/ spouse/ family member “disapproved” and you still feel guilty.--- translation being you are still punishing yourself.
Consider a short list of your own “guilts” before reading and tapping through this article. Measure their “charge” on the intensity scale from 0-10. For example, measure and scale incidents similar to the ones listed below:
- The time I was sarcastic towards my friend
- The time I gossiped about my colleague
- The time I was caught saying something negative about my sibling
- The time I “took” something that wasn’t mine
- The time I protected myself rather than tell the truth
- The time I should have defended him/her
- The time I cheated and got away with it
- The time I had evil thoughts about _________________
- The time I said no to the boss/my mother/my spouse
- The time they accused me of abandoning them
- The time I branched out on my own and got his/her disapproval
- The time I betrayed her
When we feel guilty about something we did or said, we tend to punish ourselves in seemingly unrelated areas of our lives. Sabotage is by far one of the biggest complaints and areas identified for improvement from participants in my attracting abundance workshops. We could feel guilty about something we did in high school, and sabotage our job promotion, or feel guilty about something we did at our first job, and sabotage our adult relationships.
Why would old feelings of guilt make you sabotage yourself? Why would you apparently get “nowhere” when you are diligently applying the Law of Attraction exercises you have learned? Because when you feel guilty, you need to punish yourself in order to feel better. You won’t feel right until you “get” the punishment your subconscious mind believes you deserve. That’s why even people who are given special advantages, handed money or given a new job, tend to sabotage – they don’t feel deserving. When you feel adequately punished, you can now relax and feel safe because you have less anxiety about “waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Your world feels balanced again.
People come in to my office and workshops and say “I keep sabotaging my success. I don’t know what’s the matter with me…I want abundance, but I keep getting in my own way, even though I’m using the Law of Attraction.” This feeling and life experience, “I keep sabotaging myself” becomes the “tabletop” in Gary’s perfect analogy of how to collapse issues with EFT. Picture the “tabletop” as the broader more global issue – I’m not successful, or I keep sabotaging myself. What are the “legs” (beliefs, events, experiences, assumptions and comfort zones) supporting this tabletop? The table legs always come in the form of specific events that made you believe you aren’t worthy or aren’t deserving. Sometimes the table legs are limiting beliefs you picked up during your life.
Being in a constant state of guilt doesn’t help you and doesn’t help the person you feel you have offended! However, it is one of the most prominent feelings underlying sabotage behavior and one of the least suspected emotions that is responsible for blocking success and abundance.
Ask yourself some important questions:
(1) How does it serve you to continue feeling guilty?
(2) How does it help you to stay mad at yourself?
(3) What are you afraid of if you let go of the guilt?
(4) Who will argue with you if you forgive yourself?
(5) What are the consequences of feeling good about yourself?
First you need to accept what you did or said and feel the feelings of guilt before you try to neutralize them! Too often people try to neutralize the guilt when they haven’t dealt with the reality of the situation. This causes them to dissociate, or become so separated from their emotions, they can’t access them to clear them with EFT. I always tell my clients you can’t neutralize something you don’t feel. This is why we need to be tuned in to our emotional issue for EFT to be effective.
Start on the karate chop point:
Even though I feel guilty for what I did during freshman year, I blame myself, I choose to accept these feelings and what I did.
Even though I feel guilty for what I did back then, I don’t know what I was thinking, I choose to accept who I am and how I feel.
Even though the guilt is right, I should feel guilty for what I did, I accept what happened and accept my feelings.
(The above examples are just guidelines. I encourage you to be as specific as possible in order to collapse the guilt, for example, “Even though I feel guilty for telling her she wasn’t my friend…Even though I feel guilty for hurting him by rejecting him…Even though I feel guilty for telling her secret to others…”)
EYEBROW: I feel so guilty.
SIDE OF EYE: I should feel guilty.
UNDER EYE: I feel so guilty for what I did.
NOSE: I blame myself because it was entirely my fault.
CHIN: It’s my fault.
COLLARBONE: I am to blame.
UNDER ARM: I should feel guilty.
HEAD: I am guilty for what happened
EYEBROW: I was doing the best I could.
SIDE OF EYE: I’m embarrassed about it.
UNDER EYE: I wasn’t trying to be mean but it looked that way.
NOSE: I blame myself and always will.
CHIN: It’s my fault.
COLLARBONE: I was just being immature.
UNDER ARM: But I shouldn’t have done it.
HEAD: I feel guilty and I appreciate my feelings.
Keep tapping on these above sequences until specific events and memories are “cleared” of the negative charge.
Part 2 of 4
In part 2 of this series on guilt and shame, I will be discussing and hopefully helping you collapse the guilt you have over things you did NOT do or did NOT say to correct a situation. Feeling guilty about something you didn’t do or say can be as powerful and crippling as having said or done something you regret.
Remember, these feelings may not be overwhelming or terribly “loud” in your consciousness. But if you are one of those people scratching your head wondering why the Law of Attraction doesn’t work for you, I encourage you to identify and neutralize these issues around guilt. To get the Law of Attraction pointed in the right direction for you, you need to first clear the blocks and resistance you have to receiving abundance. Until then, there will be no room for the positive manifestations.
You might wish to write a list of your sabotage behaviors, notice when they happen, how easily they happen, and how baffled you are about their reoccurrence. It could be eye-opening! On the one hand, you claim, “I do want abundance” and yet your behavior shows that you clearly aren’t in alignment or ready to accept/ embrace abundance when it’s offered to you. Maybe you practice one of the recommended exercises to hasten manifesting your desires through Law of Attraction, and yet, nothing changes in your life, no good comes of it. This is another form of sabotage…you then get to tell the world, “see, nothing works for me!”
When you feel guilty, you’ll punish yourself in many ways, and a key area for punishment is in attracting success and abundance with your professional and financial success.
Again, ask yourself the questions I posed in part 1 of this series:
(1) How does it serve you to continue feeling guilty?
(2) How does it help you to stay mad at yourself?
(3) What are you afraid of if you let go of the guilt?
(4) Who will argue with you if you forgive yourself?
(5) What are the consequences of feeling good about yourself?
(6) What do you like about being a “tough case”?
Suppose you didn’t protect your colleague when the boss blamed him/her for something. How do you feel about it now? Measure the “charge” you feel about this incident (of omission) on the 0-10 point intensity scale.
Suppose you let one of your siblings take the blame for something you did as a child, and he got severely punished, and you never “corrected” the situation. How guilty do you feel about it when you think about it now? What’s the charge on this issue for you? Measure the “charge” on the 0-10 point scale.
Karate chop point: Even though I should have corrected their impressions, and I didn’t, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway…Even though I feel guilty for not correcting the situation, I accept who I am and what happened in the past…Even though I haven’t been able to forgive myself for what I left out, I accept and love myself anyway.
EYEBROW: I feel so guilty for staying quiet.
SIDE OF EYE: I feel so guilty that I didn’t correct him/her.
UNDER EYE: I feel so guilty on a deep level.
NOSE: I did it on purpose.
CHIN: I don’t deserve to have all that I want.
COLLARBONE: I am taking the punishment I deserve.
UNDER ARM: I should feel guilty, I deserve it.
HEAD: I feel guilty and it’s too late.
EYEBROW: I feel so guilty, and can’t get over it.
SIDE OF EYE: What if I forgave myself?
UNDER EYE: What if I didn’t?
NOSE: I still feel guilty, and I accept that.
CHIN: I accept what I did back then.
COLLARBONE: I am so relieved I have changed.
UNDER ARM: I would do it differently now.
HEAD: I am willing to release some of this guilt.
Measure the emotional charge on your chosen issue again on the 0-10 point intensity scale.
Karate chop point: Even though I still have some of this remaining guilt, I choose to accept and appreciate who I am right now…Even though I still have some guilt about what I held back, I accept who I am and how I feel…Even though I still blame myself because I didn’t tell the truth, I am going to consider letting some of this guilt go.
EYEBROW: I am going to consider releasing some of this guilt.
SIDE OF EYE: It was a long time ago.
UNDER EYE: I feel so sorry about what I didn’t say/do.
NOSE: I am older and wiser now.
CHIN: I have punished myself long enough.
COLLARBONE: It’s time to let go even if I don’t fully forgive myself yet.
UNDER ARM: I appreciate the situation and am ready to move on.
HEAD: I am worthy of abundance even though I didn’t say what I should have said.
EYEBROW: I feel ready to get over this problem.
SIDE OF EYE: I know it’s time.
UNDER EYE: I’m using the guilt to punish myself.
NOSE: I am afraid of moving ahead.
CHIN: I’m using the guilt for the wrong reasons.
COLLARBONE: I am ready to let go.
UNDER ARM: I should feel guilty, shouldn’t I?
HEAD: It’s time to let go and appreciate who I am right now.
AFRAID TO FORGIVE
There is a common fear that the act of forgiving someone (or yourself) equates to “letting them off the hook.” This topic always surfaces in workshops and internally. If I forgive myself, does that make it ok? If I forgive myself, will I do it again? If I forgive him, does that give him permission to hurt someone else? I always hear students say they are afraid to forgive themselves, as it doesn’t seem “right.” This feeling continues the cycle of punishment.
Karate chop point:
Even though I feel guilty for the affair, and I don’t think I should forgive myself, I accept who I am and what happened.
Even though I really hurt him/her so I don’t deserve to be forgiven, I accept who I am and how I feel.
Even though I’m afraid to forgive myself, what if I do it again, I accept who I am and what happened.
EYEBROW: I feel so guilty, how could I forgive myself?
SIDE OF EYE: I have felt guilty long enough.
UNDER EYE: It’s over now and I want to move on.
NOSE: The guilt isn’t doing anyone any good!
CHIN: I choose to release my guilt.
COLLARBONE: I am older and wiser and appreciate why I did what I did.
UNDER ARM: It’s time to let this go now.
HEAD: I do deserve success and abundance in my life, no matter what.
Do as many rounds of EFT on your guilts as necessary to reduce the intensity level and allow peace into your life after all these years.
Stay tuned for parts 3 and 4 of this article on how to neutralize and release additional feelings of guilt and shame that block your allowing success and abundance into your life.
Part 3 of 4
Since we are human, we all have millions of feelings a day. Sometimes our feelings are blown out of proportion because of the writings on our walls, sometimes they aren’t. The point is, we won’t heal if we aren’t allowed to express our feelings and accept them first, before we try to make any changes. This is the incredible beauty of EFT --- we are encouraged to accept every emotion we feel rather than trying to get rid of them. Again, this is one of the reasons the Law of Attraction backfires or apparently doesn’t work for so many people. They have somehow interpreted it as “ignoring or denying” real emotions, and in their effort to run from or pretend they don’t have them, these emotions are in fact strengthened.
I often find that a client’s core issue is anger or resentment, but they don’t feel free to express it, so they haven’t “let” their therapy go there before. As a result, they continue to harbor anger and resentment on a profoundly deep level, but don’t feel right expressing it even to their counselor. These feelings, while initially clear to them, eventually get buried because it feels so “wrong” to have them. This creates quite a troubling cycle, although it is often underground and doesn’t get noticed. The emotions then never get resolved, and in fact in some cases, it makes someone’s life worse and less free as a great deal of energy is bound up in their minds and bodies as they try hard to repress the emotions that are unacceptable. Many an illness has its foundation in unexpressed feelings that have been “cut off” from the person’s awareness because the person believes they’re not “supposed” to have those feelings.
Considering the topic of how guilt and shame block the Law of Attraction, can you see why it doesn’t “work” for you if you are harboring deep-seated anger towards someone but won’t even let yourself feel it? These feelings are literally “vibrating” in your body, and you are sending these signals to the Universe, even while you are trying to be “positive” or work with your vision board. Maybe you write or recite your daily gratitude list, while reviewing another list of wrongs in your head…this “other list” will win.
I have a client who is angry and frustrated about her 6 year old who is mildly learning disabled. The child is acting out in school and is causing a lot of chaos at home. The mother feels so guilty about being angry at her little girl, (“it’s not her fault that she doesn’t learn as quickly as the others”) that she refuses to discipline her around the house, gives her many advantages over the other siblings, spoils her, and stuffs her own legitimate feelings of impatience. In other words, this mother’s genuine feelings need to be expressed somewhere, but her overwhelming guilt about even having negative feelings in the first place stops her in her tracks. Neighbors and other family members have pointed out how she seems to go out of her way to let this child get “extras” and get away with certain behaviors that the other kids don’t, but my client was unable to see it because she didn’t want to admit her real emotions of anger and frustration.
Another client was a primary caretaker for her mother with alzheimer’s disease. She would frequently get impatient and angry when her mother would shout, be disoriented or wander off. However, she felt so guilty for feeling these emotions, she would stuff them and instead, sabotaged her professional career and picked fights in her new relationship. She experienced herself as “a bad person” for feeling angry at her elderly mother who was sick.
Substitute your own family member or colleague in these tapping sequences, and don’t be surprised if the negative feelings get a little louder before they start to subside. Remember, you have been keeping them quiet for way too long!
- Is there someone you’re protecting from your anger?
- Do you feel guilty feeling angry towards someone older or younger?
- Do you feel guilty feeling impatient when “they” are trying hard?
- Where are your feelings going?
- Where are you hiding them?
Karate chop point: Even though I feel so angry because I feel manipulated, but I’m not supposed to feel this way towards my kids, I choose to love and accept myself anyway…Even though I’m angry but don’t know where to put it, I accept and appreciate who I am…Even though I feel guilty for being angry towards my child, I accept that these are my real feelings…
EYEBROW: I feel so angry.
SIDE OF EYE: I feel so guilty for being angry.
UNDER EYE: I’m not supposed to be angry with her.
NOSE: I’m not allowed to feel angry, I could get into trouble.
CHIN: I don’t want to be angry.
COLLARBONE: I can’t help it, it keeps coming out.
UNDER ARM: I should feel guilty for being angry.
HEAD: I am trying not to feel my feelings.
EYEBROW: I feel guilty for feeling this anger at her.
SIDE OF EYE: I don’t think I should have these feelings.
UNDER EYE: I feel so angry though, what do I do with it?
NOSE: I want to get over it.
CHIN: I’m afraid to express it.
COLLARBONE: I am trying to ignore it but it won’t go away.
UNDER ARM: I should feel guilty for having these feelings.
HEAD: I am going to pretend I don’t have them.
Karate chop point: Even though I feel guilty for having these feelings, I choose to accept them anyway…Even though I’m afraid of what I might do with these feelings, I accept who I am and how I feel…Even though I’ve never been allowed to express these feelings, I choose to express them safely now.
EYEBROW: I feel so angry and it’s ok.
SIDE OF EYE: I feel so angry and it’s time to let it out.
UNDER EYE: I feel guilty feeling angry.
NOSE: I could get into trouble, but I still need to express my feelings.
CHIN: I don’t want to be angry any more.
COLLARBONE: I choose to accept myself even though I’m angry.
UNDER ARM: I still feel guilty for being angry.
HEAD: But I need to express my feelings anyway.
EYEBROW: I finally feel free enough to express my anger.
SIDE OF EYE: I appreciate these feelings for the first time in my life.
UNDER EYE: I didn’t realize I could just express these feelings.
NOSE: I can release some of my guilt.
CHIN: I’m ready to release my guilt about these feelings of anger.
COLLARBONE: I am angry and that’s ok.
UNDER ARM: I release the guilt about these feelings.
HEAD: I am allowed to feel ALL my feelings.
Continue tapping for these unexpressed feelings. Just accept that you have them, and identify where you got the idea that you “shouldn’t” have them. These will provide more specific events (comments from an authority figure, experiences where you learned it was dangerous to express anger etc.) as tapping targets.
Stay tuned for part 4 of this article on How Guilt and Shame Block The Law of Attraction.
Part 4 of 4
Maybe you have found yourself disagreeing with an authority figure --- your coach, a parent, a teacher etc. Ask yourself the following questions and measure the intensity level on a scale of 0-10 for each answer.
- How do you feel about it when you think about that incident now?
- Do you remember saying “no” for the first time?
- Do you remember being scared, worried about their reaction?
- Did you expect to get “punished”?
- What other incident does it remind you of?
Think of an incident or event when you clearly said “no” to an authority figure. Remember how you felt, the look on their face, their reaction, your reaction, where you felt it in your body. Go back there in your mind, and measure the intensity of your feelings on the 0-10 point scale. Use this incident and any aspects of it for this article’s tapping sequences. If you are being specific enough, there will likely be a significant decrease in the intensity of the fear, regret or whatever else you felt back then.
Being punished for saying “no” can stay lodged in your energy system, coming out years or even decades later in the form of sabotage. Maybe you are following and using the powerful principles of the Law of Attraction, but they never seem to work for you. Consider the possibility that your success might scare you and bring you “trouble” or that standing up for yourself so many years ago still makes you feel guilty, and you are punishing yourself by blocking your abundance or health.
Karate chop point: Even though I shouldn’t have said no, she was so mad, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway…Even though I got into trouble when I said no, and I’ve been punishing myself ever since, I accept who I am right now…Even though I was punished for saying no, I accept who I am and how I feel about the incident.
EYEBROW: I feel guilty for saying no.
SIDE OF EYE: I had to say no.
UNDER EYE: No I didn’t.
NOSE: I shouldn’t have said no.
CHIN: It was bad to disobey her.
COLLARBONE: I feel so guilty.
UNDER ARM: I should feel guilty.
HEAD: I am still punishing myself.
EYEBROW: I feel like a bad person.
SIDE OF EYE: Other people did what she said, why couldn’t I?
UNDER EYE: I feel so guilty.
NOSE: I should have said yes.
CHIN: I should have done what everyone else did.
COLLARBONE: I still feel guilty and it was years ago.
UNDER ARM: I don’t want to carry this around.
HEAD: I did what I thought was right and I got into trouble.
Often, saying no was truly in alignment with what was right for you, but if a teacher, coach, parent, or supervisor is somehow threatened by it, there might have been unfair or terrible consequences for you. A client of mine didn’t comply with outrageous requests from his boss who was engaged in unethical practices. He suffered for years on the job as a result. Even though he maintained his integrity, he felt he got punished for “saying no.”
No child is ever born feeling deeply ashamed even if it is in their parents’ cells. We are taught energetically how to feel ashamed of ourselves by our caretakers and the events and circumstances in our life. Sometimes the lesson comes through abuse, sometimes through words, looks in the eye, circumstances that couldn’t be prevented, or other issues. But we never start out feeling ashamed for who we are as tiny babies.
Shame is harder to identify than guilt because it is a more pervasive feeling. It’s a bit like the difference between generalized anxiety about life – you can’t quite put your finger on the cause -- rather than specific anxiety about an upcoming meeting or speech. If you feel guilty because you broke your mother’s favorite dish, you can identify the cause of the problem, and therefore address it. Shame means YOU ARE THE PROBLEM, not something you did.
How does this get in the way of using Law of Attraction to your advantage? When you feel ashamed, you are convinced in every cell in your body that you don’t deserve success and abundance in any area of your life. So even though you use visualization, written exercises, vision boards etc, it seems to backfire and you end up right where you started. That’s because the “tail enders” (The truth is I’m NOT good enough, I really DON’T deserve more, I should be punished) are so powerful, they cancel out your momentary positive feelings or your temporary clear focus on what you want. While you are focusing on a beautiful house, the subtext is “Who am I kidding, I don’t deserve it and I’ll never get it!”
When you are ashamed, it means you think you are “no good” or feel “defective.” The reason so many physically or emotionally abused people feel ashamed is because their translation of their life’s circumstances is:
If my own mother spoke to me that way, I must be a lousy person.
If my own father hit me when he was drunk, I must have deserved it.
If my caretaker said I was “no good” he must have been right.
If they looked at me that way, there must be something wrong with me.
If the neighbors treated us that way, it must have been my fault.
If I got punished that often, I must be a bad person.
Needless to say, the caretakers who abused their children are carrying generations of untreated shame and low self-esteem.
How to get specific:
Ask yourself some of the following questions to find more identifiable tappable issues:
(1) Why do I feel ashamed of myself?
(2) What did they say that made me feel this way?
(3) What evidence do I have that I am no good?
(4) Why am I convinced that I don’t measure up?
(5) How do I know I’m not deserving yet others are?
(6) Who taught me that I wasn’t enough?
(7) Where exactly did I get this idea?
(8) What event from my childhood made me feel ashamed?
(9) What phrases come to mind when I think of being ashamed?
Many people who feel ashamed will not let you talk them out of it. It is very important to meet the person where they are energetically and emotionally, and let them feel this conviction that they are no good, their “truth” before neutralizing it with EFT.
Start on the karate chop point:
Even though I’m convinced I’m not worthy, I accept this feeling and my truth.
Even though I know I’m not worthy, I have proof, I accept who I am anyway.
Even though I don’t accept myself because I’m defective, I accept my feelings and remain convinced of who I am.
Even though they taught me I wasn’t valuable, I accept these feelings and who I am
EYEBROW: I’m no good and I know it.
SIDE OF EYE: Everyone knows this.
UNDER EYE: They can see it in me.
NOSE: I show it on my face and in my words.
CHIN: I’m not worth the attention.
COLLARBONE: I don’t deserve attention.
UNDER ARM: I feel ashamed because I am “less than.”
HEAD: I am not worthy in any way.
EYEBROW: What if they were wrong?
SIDE OF EYE: I think they were right.
UNDER EYE: My own parents treated me poorly.
NOSE: It must have been me.
CHIN: It’s because I’m not good enough.
COLLARBONE: I’ve always been inferior.
UNDER ARM: I’ve always been inadequate.
HEAD: It’s not a feeling, it’s the truth.
When you get some of the “evidence” for why you feel ashamed of yourself, incorporate it into your tapping sequences to see if you can shift the intensity. Warning: You are likely to get considerable resistance to loosening this feeling up, so take it from all angles.
Start on the karate chop point:
Even though their words are proof that I’m not valuable, I accept who I am anyway.
Even though he told me I was not acceptable, I accept my feelings.
Even though I’m convinced they were right --- I’m not acceptable --- I accept these uncomfortable feelings and who I am.
EYEBROW: I’m not acceptable.
SIDE OF EYE: I’ll never fit in.
UNDER EYE: I’m never enough.
NOSE: I don’t belong here.
CHIN: It’s true – I’m not lovable.
COLLARBONE: I’m not enough.
UNDER ARM: I don’t fit in.
HEAD: I am defective.
EYEBROW: I feel accepting that I’m not acceptable.
SIDE OF EYE: I choose to feel acceptable.
UNDER EYE: I feel valuable.
NOSE: No I don’t.
CHIN: I am valuable.
COLLARBONE: I am worth being valued.
UNDER ARM: I am enough.
HEAD: I accept who I am.
Karate chop point: Even though he told me I was “a nobody” and I believed him, I accept who I am anyway…Even though I thought he was right all along, I accept the possibility that he was wrong…Even though he said I was “rotten to the core” I accept that there might be some good in me.
EYEBROW: I’m rotten to the core.
SIDE OF EYE: I’ll never be enough.
UNDER EYE: I’m never going to get over this.
NOSE: I know I’m no good.
CHIN: I assume he was right.
COLLARBONE: I have always been “a nobody” just like he said.
UNDER ARM: I don’t have any value.
HEAD: I’m not worthy of success.
EYEBROW: What if I could get over this feeling?
SIDE OF EYE: But it’s who I am.
UNDER EYE: What if he was wrong?
NOSE: Maybe I do have value.
CHIN: What if I’ve had value all along?
COLLARBONE: I am worth as much as you are.
UNDER ARM: I am enough.
HEAD: I accept who I am.
I encourage you to continue finding specific events and “table legs” underneath your “tabletop” --- your sabotage behavior. There may be hundreds of times that someone looked at you in a particularly shaming way, dozens of negative comments about your lack of worth in your family. Look for phrases and attitudes from parents, caregivers, teachers, coaches, siblings, babysitters and society. Look at when you first felt this way, what subsequent events cemented the feeling for you. It is worth collapsing these events and circumstances one by one, and allowing abundance into your personal and professional life.
The Law of Attraction works beautifully and systematically. But when your negative feelings about your worth and what you’ve done in the past are so loud, the universe can’t hear (and therefore can’t deliver) your desires!
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