By Deborah Miller, PhD

Gabriela came in the room with a palpable energy. She was filled with anxiety, was breathing very shallowly and could barely sit still. For the past month, she was feeling depressed. She was having trouble sleeping, didn’t feel like eating; she didn’t want to work or go out. She wanted to cry but couldn’t. She felt a pressure on her chest. She was also feeling the presence of her father.

I first asked her if there was anything that happened about a month ago. She said no. Then I asked her about her father thinking that possibly he died not so long ago. Her father died 16 years ago but she said she still misses him a lot. The anniversary of his death was about a month ago. Was this a coincidence or part of the anxiety?

I started with the physical effects of her anxiety and her feelings of missing her father. We tapped on her anxiety, depression, not being able to sleep, or willingness to eat. I included being afraid to sleep because her father may try to communicate with her and she is afraid to hear what he may tell her in her dreams. I focused on her missing him and that it was all right. The whole time we were tapping she was fidgeting, her body moving, her feet moving from one position to another. She was obviously uncomfortable with herself and/or the topic.

When we finished the first round she was much more relaxed. I could see that she was breathing more deeply and her fidgeting had almost stopped. She said that she felt good and that the image of her father was gone. The depression was much less but not completely gone. So I asked her to explain more about her life since her parents died.

She said that she is the oldest of four. She had to act as the mother and father to her brothers and sisters after her parents died when she was nine years old. She worked from the age of nine to support herself and her siblings. She has never had a boyfriend as there was never time. She is now 25 years old. Four years ago the last of her siblings moved out after she worked to raise them and put them through school. She works as a cook in a restaurant.

Her boyfriend came with her and was waiting outside. I asked her how long they had been going out. She said one month. I thought how interesting that she starts going out with someone one month ago on the anniversary of her father’s death. I asked her how her parents died. She said they died in an automobile accident. Then I asked her what her boyfriend does. She said he is a chauffeur. She is afraid. He leaves for 2-3 days for work and she feels alone. I realized there is a connection between the new boyfriend driving for his work and her fear of him being in an accident like her parents.

So we did the next round of tapping on her being afraid that her boyfriend will die in an automobile accident just like her father. We tapped on being abandoned again, being left alone, being left responsible, being afraid to lose him just like her father. Her fear and anxiety dropped by half.

I asked her to describe a bit more about her parents’ accident. She said that they had gone to another village and on their way back, 5 minutes from home, were in an accident that killed them both. The doctors didn’t want to tell her the details as she was so young. She ended up asking a woman to help her bury her parents and from then on started to work with this woman to pay for raising her siblings.

She reiterated how she misses her father. She was close to her father. He took her with him everywhere, whereas her mother yelled and hit her. She doesn’t have memories of her mother but misses her father still. I asked her if her boyfriend reminds her of her father and she told me that he has the same stature, body type and his hair is just like her father's.

So the next round I tapped on her being afraid that her new boyfriend will leave her just like her father, that she is afraid to let him in because he may abandon her too, that he may die in an automobile accident too, that she may like him because he looks so much like her father (stature, hair, etc), that she is afraid because her boyfriend wants to help take care of her and she’s not used to it, that she doesn’t want to like him just because he looks like her father, that she wants to be in a relationship that is good for her, where she is part of a loving relationship.

She looked so happy when we finished. She said the weight on her chest was gone, she felt good, she was yawning, she felt hungry (remember, she hasn’t been eating), she was free of the fear, the image of her father and of being abandoned.

What a beautiful release for Gabriela. Here is a young woman who meets someone who reminds her of her father and she instantly feels his presence and his absence. The new boyfriend is a chauffeur and that triggers her fear of losing the one she loves in a car accident. Isn’t the Universe incredible in bringing in events that help us recognize our fears so that they can be released?

Deborah Miller, PhD

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