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Articles & Ideas


Improving romantic openness and enjoyment with EFT

Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Note: This article assumes you have a working knowledge of EFT. Newcomers can still learn from it but are advised to peruse our Free Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tutorial™ for a more complete understanding.

Hi Everyone,

Nancy Morris's client was inhibited in the bedroom because she felt very "protected" against her husband romantically. Progress was made on this issue because Nancy used EFT on an earlier specific event (the client's "first time"). Nancy says, "Using the Tell the Story Technique, we worked through each part of her first time, which was painful, then frightening, not consummated, and not pleasurable in the least. We stopped and tapped several times as the scene unfolded in her memory."

Hugs, Gary

By Nancy Morris

Gail contacted me wanting to improve her sex life with her husband.  She said that she felt very "protected" against him sexually.  She also said she felt overwhelmed by unpleasant body sensations when she was penetrated.

We talked about her early sexual experiences and found that her first time having intercourse (actually "trying" to have intercourse and not succeeding) was very painful. 

GC COMMENT: Excellent! It is often preferable to zero in on a foundational specific event like this rather than to tap on a more global issue such as needing to be protected while having sex with her husband.

Using the Tell the Story Technique we worked through each part of her first time, which was painful, then frightening, not consummated, and not pleasurable in the least.  We stopped and tapped several times as the scene unfolded in her memory. Here are examples of setup phrases:

Even though it was scary…

Even though I was afraid, I love and accept my 14 year old self. 

Even though it hurt, I love and forgive both of us.

As we worked through each part of this event I normalized their situation by adding phrases during the rounds of tapping such as: we didn't know what we were doing; we were young; we really liked each other; we were just inexperienced.

As we cleared some of the feelings of sadness and hurt, Gail realized that she felt "defective" because they couldn't complete the act; besides being afraid and having it hurt, she blamed herself for how badly it went.  Gail said she felt shame around this.  We tapped several rounds on her shame and feeling defective until the intensity was down to zero  on a scale of 0 to 10 and Gail could tell the entire story from beginning to end without any intensity.  She said she felt "distant" from the event for the first time in her life.

The next time I spoke with Gail she said she felt much more relaxed and open when she and her husband were sexual.  She said her sense of having to protect herself had lessened substantially.

Gail  and I had several more sessions where we worked through other sexual traumas in a similar way.  NOTE:  I use the word "trauma" because each of the events we worked on were upsetting to Gail.  Nothing really terrible, like rape, had happened to her, but over the many years she had been a sexual person many "events" had occurred that left strong negative impressions on her.  Some of these events left her feeling ashamed, embarrassed, and thus inhibited.

Fortunately, Gail was always eager to have EFT homework to do between our sessions and made terrific progress every time we worked together.  Gail says she continues to feel more and more like a sexual feminine woman who can relax and enjoy sex and intimacy.  She describes her sex life as vastly improved thanks to EFT and our work together.

Warm hugs, Nancy Morris


Explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT™, by reading my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™. More efficient. More powerful.