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Articles & Ideas


Resolving many impediments to a satisfactory "bedroom experience"

Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Note: This article assumes you have a working knowledge of EFT. Newcomers can still learn from it but are advised to peruse our Free Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tutorial™ for a more complete understanding.

Hi Everyone,

Nancy Morris gives us a textbook excursion through her client's many unjustified jealousies. She says, "Another event came up where her Dad had specifically told her: "You can't trust men" but, he himself was not trustworthy and was a hypocrite. We cleared these down to a zero. It was becoming clearer and clearer why it was difficult for Cheryl to trust any man and to feel safe."

Hugs, Gary

By Nancy Morris,

Hi Gary, As this case shows, often our ability to "let go" into orgasm is not a physical limitation, but one that comes from way above the belt (head and heart). Fortunately, EFT works wonders in this area. Take care, Nancy


Cheryl contacted me wanting to get help with her sex life with her boyfriend of 4 years. They loved each other and lived together but she never was able to "let go" with him and have an orgasm. (She had no history of sexual abuse or rape; this is always one of the first areas I check.) As I asked more questions about their relationship Cheryl made it clear that she was not comfortable with Nick's women friends. Because of his work, Nick was around women a great deal and had several women friends.

When I asked if Nick had ever cheated on her, she said definitely "No". When asked if he kept his word to her, for example: what time he'd be home, or when he would call. She said he always kept his word. When I asked if he loved her, she said definitely "Yes".

Then I asked her who had cheated on her? She said her first husband had affairs, so we used EFT to clear up the energy disruption regarding those specific events.  See Uncovering Specific Events - An Essential Concept Within the EFT Tapping Process.

In our next appointment Cheryl said she had felt jealous of her father's attention and always wanted to be her daddy's special little girl. We did EFT on specific events from her growing-up years where she felt slighted or abandoned by her Dad.

Cheryl said that she would repeatedly get thoughts that said: No one loves me; Everyone leaves me. When I asked if she had any positive messages given to her as a child, she said there were none. Not one that she could remember! Cheryl was constantly comparing herself in a negative way to other women. We did some tapping on her belief that everyone leaves her and through that found several more specific events we were able to bring down with EFT. I suggested that for homework she make a list of the good things that she saw about herself.

At our next appointment, Cheryl said that she realized that as a child she felt completely replaceable. She was the first of many kids in her family in a short period of time and Mom didn't really have the time or inclination to nurture any of them. We did EFT on not getting the love and attention that she wanted as child, focusing on specific events. Cheryl had the observation that although she was really triggered by Nick's friendships with women, she realized that with her way of thinking she would be triggered by anyone who had a life outside of giving her 100% of their attention all the time. This was a wonderful cognitive shift for her and took a lot of the blame off Nick for how she was feeling.

At our next appointment Cheryl said that she felt full of resolve and that she was committed to her own happiness. (Notice the change from feeling like a victim to feeling empowered.) She realized she had a habit of negative thinking and would sometimes explode at Nick when she felt jealous.

She realized that her reactions were exactly what might drive Nick away and didn't know how to control these outbursts. We did some tapping on this and Cheryl wisely came to the conclusion that "I need constant reassurance; who could give me that?" She realized she'd been putting a lot of pressure on Nick to give her a sense of self-esteem. For homework I suggested this phrasing: Even though I get triggered, I love and accept my reactio. (NOTE: the idea here is to feel your inner reaction, accept it, but to wait; don't do anything with it. Own your reactivity and just give it some time.)

At our next appointment, Cheryl said the EFT homework was very helpful. It created a space between her and her reaction. She was starting to feel more in control of herself and liking herself better.

In this session we focused on the fact that she was always looking for perfection in herself, sure that without perfection, Nick would leave her. We cleared many specific events from her past where her Dad had told her what to wear, how to act, what to do, to be perfect in his eyes.

Another event came up where her Dad had specifically told her: "You can't trust men" but, he himself was not trustworthy and was a hypocrite. We cleared these down to a zero. It was becoming clearer and clearer why it was difficult for Cheryl to trust any man and to feel safe. Cheryl was very clear and committed in her desire to accept Nick for just who he was (as she wanted to be accepted also). Her logical mind was positive that he was trustworthy, she just had this "reaction" of feeling threatened. He had never in all their time together given her a single reason to doubt his love for her or his fidelity. For homework I suggested that Cheryl do this EFT:

Even though it's hard for me to trust, I see myself as a loving woman.

At our next appointment Cheryl said that she had taken a big step and had joined Nick and one of his female friends on a boating trip. He was very happy that she finally wanted to join him in his love of boats and the water. Cheryl said she liked going out with Nick but that she noticed how competitive with the other woman she felt inside herself. We did some EFT:

Even though I see every woman as a threat, I want to feel calm and accepting.
Even though I feel threatened and Nick tries to reassure me...
Even though I go on "red alert" about this, I send us both love and compassion.

We did more tapping on other feelings that came up for Cheryl:

Even though loss scares me, I know I can survive loss, I've done it in the past.
Even though I hate my own neediness, I choose to befriend it.
Even though a part of me wants to run away, the bigger part of me want to enjoy my life.
Even though I feel wanting and needy from my Mom, I love and accept this part of myself.

GC COMMENT: While the above 8 EFT setup statements seemed to have had some effect, they are general in nature and, time permitting in a session, could be further explored for the Specific Events underlying them.  If done, this might add more efficiency to an already well done session.

At our next appointment Cheryl said that she felt something had changed inside of her. That she had been looking for evidence that Nick didn't love her and was ready to abandon her, and now she'd started focusing on evidence that he loves her a lot and is committed to his relationship with her. In addition, Cheryl said that for the first time ever, she had been able to have an orgasm with oral sex!

Often it takes quite a bit of investigation and EFT'ing to clear all the tendrils that are keeping us from relaxing in our body and being able to enjoy pleasure when it is there. If our mind keeps chattering away with doubts, self-evaluations, and judgments, how in the world can we notice the pleasurable feelings in our body?

Warm hugs to you, Nancy Morris


Explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT™, by reading my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™. More efficient. More powerful.