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Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Hi Everyone,

Tam Llewellyn-Edwards of the UK gives his well thought out insights regarding permission for doing surrogate EFT. For further ideas on this topic you can also read my thoughts.

Hugs, Gary

By Dr Tam Llewellyn-Edwards, EFT Cert-Honors

What Do They Really Really Need?

When clients approach us they do not always tell us what they need, and indeed they do not always know what the real problem is.  Here is an account of Jean (not her real name) who presented asking for remote surrogate tapping for her brother, Peter.  The real problem was very different.

This case raises the issue of the morality of using remote surrogate EFT on an individual without first having their permission, and it also brings out the importance of looking deep into the problem to seek out the real root cause.

Jean, an EFT practitioner, was seeking therapy for her brother who for some years had been suffering a series of serious and prolonged throat infections. 

She had offered EFT (and other therapies) to him but he had always refused treatment – sometimes quite forcefully. Jean had decided to give surrogate treatment anyway, but that surrogate treatment had failed and she had turned to me to provide remote surrogate treatment for her brother.  Clearly neither she nor I had her brother’s permission to give surrogate treatment, but equally clearly her brother was in need of some help.

When Jean came to my office, the first question was one of morality.  As neither of us had permission to treat Peter, were we right to even try and would the treatment work when applied without his permission.

There can never be a clear answer to this question, which must be left to the therapist, but in some cases it is clearly right to give remote surrogate treatment without the subject’s permission while, equally, in other cases it is just as clearly wrong.  For instance in the case of a young seriously ill baby in an incubator, it would be completely right for the mother to give treatment remotely and without permission. On the other hand it would be completely wrong to give remote surrogate treatment to your boss in an attempt to make him forgive your past incompetence and give you a promotion.

There is a huge grey area between these two extremes and it is in that grey area where we will find most of the cases presented to us. In these cases I often precede the remote treatment with the prayer, “If it is for the greater good – let it be. If not let the treatment go to one who needs it and wishes to receive it”

What of the case in hand?  The brother, Peter, had refused treatment and was a competent adult, who in my opinion, had the right to refuse treatment if that was his wish. It was not for me to judge why he did not want treatment nor to become involved in his life without his permission.  Jean and I did do a remote surrogate session for Peter, using the caveat above, but in the discussion I had with Jean leading up to this it was clear that she had a deep personal involvement with the problem.

Jean felt aggrieved and somewhat bitter about her brother’s rejection of her offer of treatment, and made the statement that it was ‘Just like a man’. Jean related her reasoning behind this idea. It seems that in life she had been rejected by men a great number of times.  By her ex-husband who had abandoned her, by an earlier fiancé who had jilted her (and by me – a male therapist – who had refused to help her give remote treatment to her needy brother!).  She expected rejection by men-folk, and that is what she got.  Clearly here was a problem worth tapping on.

We did a whole session dealing with these rejections one by one – knocking out table leg after table leg, but each time we completed one instance another cropped up.  Eventually the root cause appeared. As young children Jean, Peter and another sister, Judy, were in a dysfunctional family with a violent father and an alcoholic mother.  When the three children were all below school age the father abandoned the family leaving the children in the not so tender care of the alcoholic mother. Jean (the eldest of the three children) had never forgiven her father for this ‘rejection’ – as she saw it.

This was the root cause of Jean’s problems of being rejected by men.  It was what she expected and what she received. EFT easily cleared up this feeling and Jean saw that her father had been ‘doing the best he could’ and was forgiven.

Jean’s younger sister, Judy, held the same notion of rejection by men.  She had moved to Australia following such a rejection.  Judy, however, was happy to accept remote surrogate treatment from her big sister and it was reported that she, too, had forgiven and was much happier and positive in her life.

I stand ready to treat Peter, either remotely or face to face, whenever he feels the time is right, but that time has not yet come

Dr Tam Llewellyn-Edwards, EFT Cert-Honors


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