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Articles & Ideas


EFT for Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) - "You can't make me!"

Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Note: This article assumes you have a working knowledge of EFT. Newcomers can still learn from it but are advised to peruse our Free Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tutorial™ for a more complete understanding.

Hi Everyone,

Dr. Carol Solomon teaches a mother an effective way to use EFT for her young RAD daughter. This may have wide appeal for many child behavior problems. Carol says, "After trying many different strategies, EFT is the only treatment that has had an effect. I think this is a great example of making EFT fun for kids."

Hugs, Gary

By Carol Solomon, PhD

Gary - I love it when people take my simple suggestions and apply them to their own situations in creative ways. Below is a newsletter that I sent to my readers and an email that I received in response to it. My reader (who wishes to remain nameless) used EFT with her 8-year-old daughter, who suffers from RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). This is a VERY difficult disorder to treat.

After trying many different strategies, EFT is the only treatment that has had an effect. I think this is a great example of making EFT fun for kids. And while the mom is not an expert, there's a lot of wisdom in this. There is no stronger desire than a mother wanting to help her child! I hope this is encouraging to others. Carol


Sometimes the biggest obstacle to overcome is our own resistance to doing what we know is good for us. If we have been forced to do something (eat vegetables, eat a meal before dessert, eat 3 meals per day, etc.), then we may be resistant to these good habits as adults.

It's like there's a little 5-year-old inside, stomping her feet, saying "You can't make me!" Logically, we know what we "should" do, but there's a battle going on inside. Control is a HUGE issue for kids because they are constantly being bossed around and told what to do. To take back control, we often resist what we know could help us.

If you find yourself resisting what your logical brain knows to be good for you, then try giving your inner 5-year-old a voice. Include these phrases in your tapping sequence:

I will not ( )
You can't make me

I refuse to ( )
You can't make me

I don't want to ( )
You can't make me

Using these statements will often free you up to make a choice that actually FEELS like a choice. Life will be easier when the voice of the inner 5-year-old is honored.

With love,


Here's the email response:

I have to tell you THANK YOU - particularly for this email. I've been trying to do EFT on my little girl who suffers from RAD (from her bio parents), and has a tendency to act up and get in trouble in school. She is 8. The past few weeks have been especially challenging at school with her making noises in class, picking on other kids, being defiant.

We've tried smiley charts, bribes, threats, pleading, explaining, pretty much anything we could think of. I got this email and am also a regular subscriber to the EFT newsletter and have also downloaded one of your CDs for myself. I decided to try this "you can't make me" on my daughter.

I had her tap and repeat after me, "If I want to make noises in class and act up, I WILL and YOU CAN'T MAKE ME STOP" "I will do whatever I want and you can't make me" and so on with different takes on these unwanted behaviors and others. Then we did, "I love me" and "I am a terrific kid."

We said, "it's up to ME and no one else" or "I will decide how I will behave, not you, it's up to me". I followed each one with "I love me" and "I'm a terrific kid" so we were saying that more.

As I said, in the past I've tried to tap on her or have her self-tap with little success. She didn't like it and didn't want to do it. THIS time, it was FUN because she got to say these "you can't make me" statements.

Today after weeks of horrid behavior, she got all smileys, and a note from the teacher on having a super day! We are going to repeat tomorrow and I will let you know if this continues. I really think this can be attributed to the EFT. I'm certainly not an expert, and probably am loosely making it thru with the correct statements. Thanks

I contacted this mom for a follow-up after 2 months. She said they try to do EFT every day, but don't always do it. Sometimes her daughter is still resistant, so she uses a stuffed animal, which seems to be OK. She reports that there has been "significant continual improvement." They tap on all the items on the smiley chart: making noises/being quiet in class, paying attention, not goofing off, being kind to others and behaving in small groups. She adds "you can't make me" to make it more fun.
In school, the daughter has steadily increased in getting more smileys than frownies. Mom says the school seems to be getting pickier, so they send home notes like "she flicked water on someone in the bathroom" or "she was noisy in the hall." Mom comments - "Point is - now I get notes on normal 8-year-old behavior, so I would say that's good, and shows how much EFT has improved her behavior. It is slowly, but surely getting better."


Carol Solomon, Ph.D.


Explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT™, by reading my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™. More efficient. More powerful.