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Other Emotional Issues


Using EFT to improve a relationship

Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Here is a very practical use for EFT. People entering a relationship always bring with them past associations that trigger negative responses. Once discovered, they can almost always be collapsed with EFT. Personal peace, including peace in the relationship, is the reward.

Vicki Hughes, Life Coach, EFT-ADV

Here is an excellent use of EFT to improve a relationship. A friend of mine and her husband have been enthusiastically applying EFT to all sorts of areas in their lives since I showed them how to use it. A wonderfully powerful example of using EFT in a relationship matter was brought to my attention, and I think it's worth sharing.

My friend was raised in a home where her father was a "yeller." Growing up, that was one thing she never wanted in her home, and when she married her first husband, it was never a problem, as he had a very calm behavioral style. But after a divorce, and remarrying, she found that her second husband had some unsettlingly similar characteristics to her father.

When he got emphatic or intense, he would perceive himself as speaking normally, but her perception was that he was very angry due to his tone of voice, and volume. It was so upsetting to her, that she would feel the hair on the back of her neck stand up, and would often get an upset stomach or neck pain. It led to many arguments with her saying, "Stop yelling at me," to which he would loudly reply, "I'm not yelling at you!" In his eyes, his tone was still reasonable, but to her, it sparked all the same negative feelings she had growing up in a very upsetting, loud, tense environment.

As they began using EFT, she casually mentioned again, that this yelling thing was still upsetting to her. Unbeknownst to my friend, her husband had truly heard what she said, realized how this upset her, and decided he would like to try to do something about it for her sake. So he tapped on it. "Even though I talk in a way that seems like yelling when I get upset or intense...."

After a couple weeks went by, she suddenly mentioned to him that he wasn't yelling at her anymore, and how much she enjoyed and appreciated this new leaf he had turned over. At this point she thought he'd just been putting forth extra effort to be kinder in general. That's when he told her his secret. He'd tapped on it for her sake. This has caused them to draw closer together as a couple, and helped my friend to really feel loved, because of the fact that he decided on his own to tap on this tendency, simply to make her happier.

GC COMMENT: The wife could also have used EFT on how this "yelling" triggered her. In fact, it may still be useful for her to do so because because other people's "yelling" may continue to trigger her unnecessarily.

We would all benefit from applying EFT to various relationships that seem "stuck" in one way or another. What a gift we can give to those we love, to willingly allow ourselves to become free of our own "stuff", so we can express love in ways that are meaningful to others.

Vicki Hughes-Life Coach, EFT-ADV


Explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT™, by reading my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™. More efficient. More powerful.