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Other Emotional Issues


EFT for pain and grief for a birth mother who wasn't allowed to see her child -- a touching story with a happy ending

Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Note: This article assumes you have a working knowledge of EFT. Newcomers can still learn from it but are advised to peruse our Free Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tutorial™ for a more complete understanding.

Hi Everyone,

When a birth mother needs to relinquish her child, the emotions can be intense and long lasting .... especially when agreements to visit with the child are broken. Read how Pat Burns works with such a birth mother to bring welcome relief and a very happy ending. This one got a tear out of me at the end.

Hugs, Gary

By Pat Burns

Dear Gary,

Just forty minutes of EFT dissolved a lifetime of pain and grief for a birth mother that I worked with, and gave her back her life. I specialize in working with adoptees and birth mothers, and would like to share a story about a birth-mom client that I recently worked with. Nancy (not her real name) was birth mother to a 16 year old daughter relinquished in what was supposed to have been an open adoption.

An agreement was reached between Nancy and the adoptive parents which was supposed to have provided for regular visits with the daughter that Nancy relinquished. Unfortunately, the state in which her daughter was adopted had no legal protection for birth-moms in this situation. When the adoptive parents failed to follow through on the agreement, Nancy had no recourse. She was denied visits with her daughter throughout her childhood, in spite of the agreement.

Nancy spent 16 years being sad over the loss of her daughter, and feeling betrayed and very angry that the agreement that had been reached was never honored. This sadness, anger and betrayal touched every part of Nancy's life, and left her feeling frustrated and triggered by even the smallest issues that arose concerning her daughter.

Nancy was desperate to find a way to take the emotional charge out of these issues, and was willing to give EFT a try. Using Nancy's words, we started by tapping on:

Even though I'm full of anger at my daughter's adoptive parents for betraying me...

Three rounds of tapping bought the anger, which was off the scale to begin with, down to a 4 on a scale of 0 to 10. Three more rounds of tapping starting with, "Even though I'm mad as hell at my daughter's parents and hate the way they treated me..." bought it down to zero, and left Nancy saying, "Wow, this stuff is amazing!". From there we moved on to betrayal:

Even though I feel totally betrayed by my daughter's parents... "

That took the emotional charge from a level of intensity of 10 down to a 7.

Even though my daughter's parents betrayed me and only cared about getting her and didn't care about me... which bought Nancy's emotional charge down to 2.

Even though I was betrayed by my daughter's parents, and they never even tried to keep to the agreement that we made... and I choose to consider that maybe they did what they did out of fear. The emotional charge at this point was zero out of 10.

Next we tapped on Nancy's feelings of sadness over never getting the chance to see her daughter as she grew up, which she was supposed to have been able to do.

Even though I feel deep sadness about missing out on my daughter's entire childhood...

Her emotional charge had initially been a 10 out of 10, but several rounds of tapping bought that down to 4.

Even though I have a well of sadness inside me because I never got to see my daughter as she grew up, and I feel like I can't start crying because I'd never stop... That round of tapping bought Nancy's emotional charge down to zero.

Last of all, we worked on Nancy's grief, which was at a 10, using her own words.
Even though I'm full of grief because it feels like my daughter died, and nobody ever let me grieve that loss...

Three rounds on that bought her emotional charge down to 3 out of 10.

Even though I'm full of grief over the loss of my daughter, and nobody ever acknowledged that grief, and that just made it harder for me... Now Nancy's charge on the grief was zero.

Nancy's entire session took 40 minutes from start to finish. At the end of that time, she said, "I can't believe how much better I'm feeling. I don't think I need to do any more tapping today".

We scheduled a follow-up session for Nancy, but a few days beforehand, she called to tell me that she didn't feel that she needed any more sessions. She indicated that she no longer went to "the dark adoption place" any more, and was feeling happy, confident and empowered.

During a three week follow-up call, Nancy indicated that she felt so empowered that she had spoken to her daughter's adoptive parents and told them how she felt about the way in which they behaved. She is now happily planning to pursue a relationship with her daughter.

Not long after that she had a warm reunion with her daughter.



Explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT™, by reading my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™. More efficient. More powerful.