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Other Emotional Issues


Relationship Issue: "My husband was being a jerk"

Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Hi Everyone,

Here is a common relationship (marriage) issue deftly handled by Rebecca Marina.  Please note how, after EFT, the client has a belief change about the issue.

Hugs, Gary

By Rebecca Marina

Hi Gary,

When EFT helps sweeten a marriage it really gives me a thrill. The following is an excerpt from a session I had with my client "Ellen".


My client Ellen called me and ask if I could see her right away. I could tell by the agitation in her voice that she was upset. When she arrived, she jokingly asked if EFT could her prevent her from "pinching someone's head off".

She went on to explain, "Last night my husband came home late from work, he just wanted to sit in his chair and watch TV. Well, he could not find the remote control and he started cussing and raising his voice and turning the couch cushions over like a madman. he finally found it...underneath his chair where he had dropped it the night before. I am so upset with his behavior that I am barely speaking to him. I really do feel aggravated with him, he acted so childishly".

Ellen wanted to work with me in the hopes of getting the courage to tell him off when he got home from work. I had a bit different thought but held my tongue and just let the session flow. Ellen clocked in at an 8 on the 'aggravation' scale. We began our session with these EFT setups.

Even though my husband can be a real jerk, I deeply and completely accept myself.

Even though I really want to tell him off big time, I deeply love and accept myself and I feel

I have a right to tell him off.

Even though he deserves for me to tell him off-BIG TIME, I deeply love and accept myself.

I felt the intensity going down so I softened the setups a bit.

Even though I think he is a big jerk sometimes, I realize that is just the way he is sometimes.

Even though he sometimes has explosive emotions, I chose not to get sucked up in them too.

I choose not to take it so personally.

I then paused to take a reading and Ellen said it was about a 5. I asked her if her husband acted like this often and she said, "Oh no, usually he is very tender with me, maybe that is why it upset me so much". We continued...

Even though he was a jerk last night I realize he just acts like a little boy sometimes. I choose to focus on the times he is more loving.

He really is nice much more than he is jerkish.

I took this opportunity to bring in some humor (Be careful here and make sure the client is ready for some humor)

Even though it is still hard to let this go, I really am right you know, I could cut him just a little slack.

Everybody has a bad moment every now and then...except me.

I never get frustrated and act bitchy- no not sweet little ole me.

I am the perfect wife, I never raise my voice or lose my temper. I am always sweet as candy.

I am the perfect wife!

By this time, we were both dissolving into giggles and I asked her for a new intensity rating. She said it was almost down to zero but I wanted to help re-inforce some positive "choices" for her. (see Dr Carrington's "choices" method)

I asked her how she would like to feel if her husband ever acted 'jerkish' again. Ellen said she would like to just "breeze through it". We tapped for...

Even though my husband may act like a jerk again, I chose to realize it is just part of life. I don't have to get in the same mood, I can leave the room and let him be a brat all by himself. I choose to just breeze through it.

The intensity was absolute zero at this point but I wanted to see if EFT could help instill even more positive feelings.

I realize that it is just this kind of little things that can really wear down on a marriage. It is the hanging onto every little wound that creates great chasms and ultimately divorce.

"What sorts of things do you LIKE about your husband, Ellen?, " I asked.

She was quick to reply:

He sends me flowers on valentines day and my birthday.

When we are out in a crowd, he always makes ME feel safe.

He really works hard for the family and he is a great provider.

He always tries to go to everything the kids have at school.

He even brings me Starbucks coffee when he passes by one.

He would rather be with me than anyone else in the world.

Here, Ellen stopped a moment, "You know, Rebecca, he works so hard at his job to make sure we are cared for that he lets himself get overly stressed. He has been working such long hours lately. I guess not being able to come home, find his remote control and watch TV gave him an excuse to blow off a little steam.

We turned all the things she had just told me into setup phrases. and tapped a bit more.

Ellen went home and told her husband just how much she appreciated him. He was so touched by her words that he apologized humbly for being such a jerk about the remote. He shared with her that the particular day had been very stressful and he had experienced a harsh run-in with his boss. Ellen reported that her husband has expressed extra tenderness towards her since and no further incidents have occurred. "If they do," she said, "I will just breeze through them."

Try EFT On Everything!

A note from Rebecca: When dealing with Martial issues, it is important to be willing to release the need to be "right". Of course Ellen was "right" to be offended by her husbands jerkish behavior. She was also willing to tap through her own frustrations to allow harmony to flow. It really helped her when we brought in the humorous set-ups like, "Even though I never have a bad day and raise my voice, I am the perfect wife, sweet as candy."

Hanging onto to the need to be 'right' and punish someone you feel did you wrong will never save your marriage.

Seek understanding and look at your own feelings . Realize you have a choice NOT to get sucked in to someone else's bad mood. One partner has the power to shift the whole energy of a relationship by focusing on what is RIGHT and not on what is WRONG.

Rebecca Marina


Explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT™, by reading my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™. More efficient. More powerful.