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Loneliness and many, many aspects

Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Hi Everyone,

Here are two letters (about two weeks apart) from Irene Schoenfeld regarding a client with loneliness. This is a multi-aspected client of the type many of us come across. They take more time than others and, until we get more experience with them, we wonder if we are making any progress. They are both a challenge and a blessing to us. They are a challenge because they take more time. They are a blessing because they help us expand our skills.

Hugs, Gary

by Irene Schoenfeld

FIRST LETTER: "I have a client who has a big loneliness issue. He feels if he gets over this it will free him from a lot of his life problems. He is a people pleaser and has problems dealing with people if there might be a possibility of them leaving him alone. He was massively reversed so I had him rub the PR spot saying, "I love and accept myself even though I am miserable" for a week. Then I had him do the PR spot for loneliness which he did for a couple of days. During that week he had a massive bout of loneliness but it did not occur to him to tap. We have been tapping on loneliness for two sessions (the first one 2 hours and the second one and one half). We get it down but if he gets into it he can bring it back up. I do ask him to work at getting in as deep as he can when we first start. Do we just continue or do you have other thoughts?"

Irene Schoenfeld

GC COMMENT: My apologies. You asked me about this a couple of weeks ago and I haven't responded until now. Although we spoke on the phone about it, I wanted to add to it through this written response. I've been thinking about it in the meantime. Here are some thoughts.

1. Loneliness is a big wide label that is likely to include many aspects. Incidents of rejection are high probabilities. Abandonment also comes to mind. In your letter you said he, "has problems dealing with people if there might be a possibility of them leaving him alone." I suspect there is a fear here in many forms. This list could probably go on indefinitely and may be one of the reasons you have long sessions with him. He keeps bringing up other aspects. See if you can't zero in on some of these other emotions that make up his sense of loneliness. It's a way of being specific.

2. This is a case where the client will likely benefit from doing EFT for the general issue of "loneliness" 10 times a day or more. If he thinks of a specific issue during the day then use that one instead. The case of Lori which we wrote up a while back was just like this except her issue was the general one of "self image." Spectacular change occurred for her. Your client may "forget" to do what needs to be done here and you may have to be a bit more persuasive. A daily phone call as a reminder might help.

3. You may be making great headway and not know it. Good possibility here. He may be skipping from aspect to aspect in a generalized way and each time he does so EFT may have topped (improved) the previous tree in his emotional forest. He still seems beset with problems but you will know you are making headway when some of the previous problems don't seem to come up any more. He is off to new ones. Good news indeed.


SECOND LETTER: Hi, I have a client same client as above-GC that is great at getting specific but sometimes I wonder if it slows us down. Here is an example: Being Fearful start at 4 go to 2 and then he says the worst part of the fear is I can't make it on my own, he continues talking and then it becomes fear of moving ahead. That is an 8+. Goes quickly to a 3 and then to a 0. He then spontaneously talks about fearful of being with himself, that's a nine and we get it to 0. He wanted to do it one more time and a tear runs down his cheek because he has never accepted who he was before. I test the fear of moving ahead and he finds an aspect of "if he moves ahead his business will blow up." This is a 7. During the tapping he talks about feeling his essence is getting bigger. He doesn't feel like a small being any more. We get the "if he moves ahead his business will blow up" to a one and I asked him what's keeping it there after 3 run throughs. He says: uncertainty of the right direction of my business, uncertainty of what kind of person I will change into when I become successful, can I change in myself what I need to change and will I actually need to do the work. Fear is down, uncertainty is up. Doubt is what is holding the fear in place.

Any suggestions? At that point we had been at this for 2 hours so I ended the session so I could have a chance to look at it all. I think that I need to tap on Doubt. What do you think?

By the way this is the person who has been tapping on loneliness for several weeks and he says that it is getting much better. When his friends say they can't see him he doesn't get all plugged in.

Irene Schoenfeld

GC COMMENT: I think you are to be commended for hanging in there with him and for probing for all those aspects. It started with loneliness. Several forms of fear came in. Now doubt. Probably more to come. I know it seems endless but it sounds to me like you are doing marvelous work with a difficult if not "impossible" (with conventional healing techniques) case. I hear music here. An unfinished symphony.

Please note that persistence has helped with his "loneliness" issue but the way he "gets" this is by being aware of his emotions when his friends cannot see him. Although a powerful change, it manifests itself rather subtly. It isn't like a phobia where we can produce instant results of the type, "now you see it, now you don't." We would love to have this kind of result every time but some clients, like this one, present us with a sea of problems all at once. You may be blessings to each other. He needs your love, patience and experience and you need his circumstances to sharpen your skills. What we learn along the way with our "tough" clients makes us better with our future clients. Getting through these "challenges" takes you to the next level of proficiency and your reward will be increased confidence that benefits YOU as well as your clients. I've been through this many times over the past 6 years. It is getting harder and harder to "throw me." In most cases I am presented with, I've been there before. It's just a matter of experience and hanging in there.

Also, when your client shifts from one aspect to another (I call this the daisy chain effect) he is not likely to come back to a previous aspect and, if he does, it will usually have a different flavor to it. If this is what is happening, you now have a BIG CLUE that you are making superb headway. It may take many sessions but please notice that the client is always bringing up NEW issues. The old ones seem less of a bother. He is getting healthier before your eyes. Maybe he doesn't notice it yet (because he keeps bumping into new trees) and you may need to keep reminding him of his headway by pointing out things that no longer seem to bother him. You are doing this man a loving service by staying with him. Persistence, persistence, persistence.

My love to you both, Gary

P.S. How much headway do you think you would have made with this client if you didn't have EFT? How many hours of talk therapy, visualization, cognitive work or other conventional techniques do you think it would take to help this man? Just a little perspective.


Explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT™, by reading my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™. More efficient. More powerful.