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An insecure child with behavior problems

Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Hi Everyone,

Here is an insightful message from Canadian EFT'er Dr. Alexander Lees that details the use of EFT on a child's multiple behavior problems. Alex is an expert in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and draws from that discipline to provide some useful language patterns. As this story unfolds you will find some creative reframes as well as impressive detective work in discovering an important core issue.

Hugs, Gary

by Dr. Alexander Lees

"Cindy", 12 years old, sat between her anxious parents on the couch in my office. Mother took the lead saying Cindy (1) insisted on sleeping in the parent's bed and (2) was described by her teacher as "preoccupied" and, at the first sign of a cough or sneeze, would bolt from the classroom. On several occasions, Cindy's long absence would trigger a search for her by the school staff. More often than not, she would be found quivering in the school bathroom.

The parents were notified and arranged for counselling. After six visits, the counsellor recommended a referral to a psychiatrist who suggested medications to help stabilize Cindy. The parents were adamant about finding an alternative solution.....and that is how they all came to be seated on my couch.

Once a brief history was completed, I spoke directly to Cindy. For purposes of shifting "blame" from her bowed shoulders, I said to Cindy, "Now then, this counsellor asked you questions that upset you, and that isn't very nice. Can you remember the mean questions?" My underlying message, of course, was -- you're fine, the questions weren't. Cindy replied, "He asked why I can't sleep in my own bed, why I gag sometimes when I eat, and why I run out of the classroom."

Alex: "Did you run out of the classroom two years ago?"
Cindy: "No."
Alex: "Last year?"
Cindy: (Becoming slightly agitated.) "No."
Alex: "Okay, Cindy you did fine. I think I need to ask your parents the rest of the questions. Would you like to play on the computer in the reception room while I ask them some mean questions, or would you prefer to read that magazine?" (I had told the parents to buy her favourite magazine on the way to my office.)

I then asked the parents, "What happened that was significant between June of last year and when she began asking to sleep in your bed?" After several minutes of questions, Dad said, "The only thing I can think of was during baseball practice, Cindy's nose was bumped, and began to bleed. The coach said Cindy squeezed her nose, and tilted her head back."

"And, did she spit blood?" was my next question.

"Lots," said Dad. "She spit it all over the coach's shirt. She apologized, saying, 'I was choking to death. I couldn't breathe. I thought I was going to die!'"

Choke to death. Die. Sneezing or coughing in class causes her to panic. Fear of sleeping alone. Hmmm.

The second visit I saw Cindy alone. We discussed the fun of making movies, directing, editing, acting, etc. (This was the subject of her favourite magazine). Once she was comfortable, we made a movie of the baseball scene. Since the actress in the movie (Cindy) was upset, I explained how tapping Cindy now would help the actress in the movie.

"Even though she's scared, she completely and deeply accepts herself."

Then: "Even though she feels she is choking to death, she completely and deeply accepts herself."

I also explained that the Cindy here had to focus on the feeling the Cindy there was experiencing, so the Cindy there would feel the change as well.

Then some reframes: "A sneeze is just a sneeze and gets rid of things we don't want."

and..."A cough is just a cough, and helps us to breathe better."

Then: "Even though I sneeze and cough, just like everyone else, including my favourite actress, I completely and deeply....." We watched the movie again, and Cindy noticed the actress was going to tilt her head forward and down next time; "Because it was silly to let the blood go into her throat."

Cindy then said, "The coach is going to be real upset with me. I'm embarrassed to look at him."
Alex: "Okay. Even though the coach is mad, and hates my guts, it's probably because he can't spit blood as far as I can." Tap, tap, tap.
Alex: "Well? Are you still embarrassed?"
Cindy: "Naah. I'm just a little girl. He's a grownup. It'll be okay."

A phone call a week later revealed her attention in class had returned, she slept in her own room, and was full of mischief and fun again. The parents think I walk on water. I think this case was just one more example of the effectiveness and value of EFT, especially with core issues.

Dr. Alexander R. Lees

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