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Fears And Phobias


EFT and gay issues - fear of men

Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Note: This article assumes you have a working knowledge of EFT. Newcomers can still learn from it but are advised to peruse our Free Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tutorial™ for a more complete understanding.

Hi Everyone,

I like this quality article by Aileen Nobles. She takes us by the hand through an important case and says, "I have worked with women before, when their choice is brought about by past trauma with men. Once healed of the emotional trauma, they can make decisions and choices from a place of clarity and not from past damage."

Hugs, Gary

By Aileen Nobles

When “Lucinda” came in to see me, it had been a couple of years since our last meeting.  She is an attractive rap musician and has been gay for practically all of her life. In our first session as I tuned into her, I clearly saw a baby coming into her life.  At that time she thought it was funny, as she only dated women.

When we recently met again, she told me she had been nominated for an award the previous year and her career was on an upswing, but something strange was happening to her.  She now wanted to fall in love with a man and have a baby!

Lucinda was very wary of men.  Her father abandoned her when she was five years old, her stepfather had been abusive physically and mentally, and at an early age she had turned to women for safety.

The few times when she had been out with men she found attractive (not sexually),  she began playing a role of trying to be exactly what she thought they were looking for in a woman.  She tried and tried to give them what she thought they wanted, and ended up getting rejected and abandoned. She mentioned that when she is around women she is herself, and even if she wants to date them, she is completely relaxed. We started tapping:

Even though men can’t be trusted as they abandon and abuse me I am quite wonderful anyway.

Even though my experiences tell me that men are from another planet, I'm afraid of men.

My Daddy abandoned me even though I tried to be the best little girl I knew how.

I tried so hard to be lovable.

I thought it was because of me that my parents were arguing.

I need to be perfect.

But my Daddy left me anyway.

No wonder I try so hard to please a man when I am around one, I am still trying to win love.

It didn’t work with my Daddy as he left me anyway.

Perhaps he left my mother, and by extension he left me.

Perhaps it wasn’t me he was trying to get away from.

He loved me.

It was my mother he was leaving.

He could have seen me more after he left us, but he didn’t.

I don’t think he cared much for either of us.

Poor Daddy didn’t know how to love, as he probably didn’t receive it from his parents.

Perhaps he would have left me no matter how I behaved.

I think this is about my father and not about me.

I feel so uncomfortable around men.

I am so relaxed around women.

I would love to feel as relaxed around men as I do around women.’

But men betray trust and are animals.

My stepfather abused me

He never liked me.

I didn’t like him, he was creepy.’

He looked at me as if I was naked and it creeped me out.

He came into my bedroom and tried to have sex with me.

I bit him.

I was terrified, I’m meant to do what I am told.

How clever of me to bite him… that was spunky.

He deserved worse than that.

But not all men behave that way, my good male friends are different.

We continued to work on that issue until it had no charge when revisited, and she was in complete agreement that there are many wonderful men out there.  She knew some of them as friends connected to her work.  Lucinda's breathing and demeanor had relaxed visibly, and she was beginning to enjoy herself.

I am comfortable around women, and if someone loves me, they love me for who I am.

Not everyone loves me and that’s OK, I don’t know if I could handle everyone loving me, but it might be fun to find out.

Perhaps its possible to be myself around a man, and he will love me for who I am.

I don’t have to try and win love any more, as I am not that little girl desperate for my Daddy's love.

That insecure little girl part of me is still alive and with me, and she needs to know she can be loved just the way she is.

We did a visualization with that sub-personality healing and becoming whole, then being embraced and integrated with the rest of her.  This was easy for her to do with tears and gratitude.  We continued tapping:

There are some very attractive men out there and I have some very good men friends.

I am beginning to believe that I can be safe with a man as safe as I can with a woman

Some women have hurt me over the years, and some men friends have been there for me.

If I'm not afraid any more, I can think of having an intimate relationship with a man.

Someone is going to love me for my true self

I don’t need to try and win love any more.

It might be fun to allow male energy to bring out my female energy.

I had her run a movie imagining herself making love to a man that she cared about.  She had a big smile on her face!  Yes, she was ready!

“I want to fall in love and have a baby… I am ready… I deserve it and I allow myself this wonderful experience which is the next step on my soul’s journey.  Watch out men…here I come!”

The change from almost cringing while talking about intimacy with men, to smiling at the thought, was funny to both of us.  It will probably be a while before I hear about the next chapter…but she’s ready.

I have worked with women before, when their choice of being homosexual is brought about by past trauma with men.  Once healed of the emotional trauma, they can make decisions and choices from a place of clarity and not from past damage.

Had Lucinda chosen to have a baby and raise it with another woman, we would have had a different focus, hopefully equally as healing.

Thank you Gary and EFT.

Love & Light



Explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT™, by reading my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™. More efficient. More powerful.