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Articles & Ideas


Finding the real issues behind what appeared to be a "Bedroom Romance" problem

Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Hi Everyone,

Read how Nancy Morris uncovers core issues in this sensitive case.

Hugs, Gary

By Nancy A. Morris, EFT-ADV

George came to me stating that he wanted to improve his libido.  He’s an engineer in his mid-60’s.  Within a few minutes of talking, it was clear his libido was just fine, but that he did not know how to identify what he would like with his partner when being sexual and that he was unable to ask for what he wanted.  It seemed to me that being unable to ask would keep a person from allowing himself to know what he wants. 

We explored this; I gave him sample words to say, and he was only uncomfortable saying the word penis.  His discomfort was a level of intensity of 7 out of 10.  We tapped many rounds on just the word itself and the level of intensity went UP to a 9 out of 10.  George said it was a stretch for him to say this over and over again.

I asked if there was an incident in his past where he got in trouble for saying this?  No.  Was there a time he remembered where anything to do with this word got him in trouble.  He said “Not really” and then went on to recall an incident when he was 6 and several neighborhood kids were playing in an orange grove. An older girl directed the boys to take turns playing doctor with each other. 

Of course, one of the kids later told his parents and then George’s dad had a talk with him and, to his credit, did not scold George but explained he should not do that again.  George went on to say, however, that after that event he was no longer allowed to play with his best friend, Sheila. 

He said, “I lost my special friend” and got teary-eyed.  He was at a level of intensity of 9 out of 10.  We tapped on this a bit, and since our time was nearly at an end, I set George up with homework phrases, Even though I feel sad because I lost my special friend because of the incident in the orange grove...  I purposely did not include the word penis in the homework.  I told him to do this 3 times a day and to call me when the intensity went down.  George religiously did his tapping and called 3 days later and told me, “The sadness is down to a 0; I’m bored with it.”  Good news!

I had him say, “I like my penis” and rate his level of intensity and it was a 4 out of 10.  So I gave him more homework of Even though it is hard for me to say ‘I like my penis’…  When he came to his appointment his level of intensity on this issue was down to a 0 out of 10.

Since he had a strong libido already, I asked him what he was looking for.  “It could be more fun to have sex with my partner or with myself … I feel anxiety.”  We talked about his background - being a virgin at 23, meeting a woman, getting married, 3 children, unhappy married life and terrible love life with his wife.  It was an “awful situation” and he “had to leave.” 

So, he said, sadness and anxiety are associated with pleasure from this experience.  We looked for a specific incident from that time where he felt this sadness and he came up with an event.  After they were divorced and his wife moved back to her home country with the 3 little girls, George would go to visit them every year and take all 3 girls on vacation somewhere. 

One time, all 3 girls were in bed asleep and he was just reading on the couch when one of his daughters got up and came to the couch to sit with him.  She asked him “Daddy, why do you have to leave?”  Her question “broke his heart” and he did not have an answer.  He somehow associated all the pain of being separated from his children with sex and his penis - IT had “caused all this trouble.”

We did many rounds of tapping through the details of his “Couch” movie, stopping at each point when any intensity came up.  When he could tell the whole story at a low level of intensity, we did a setup phrase like, Even though my daughter asked “Daddy, why to you have to leave?” and it broke my heart… 

Then as reminder phrases while tapping through the points: It broke my heart ... I didn’t want to go ... I missed them ... I was so unhappy ... I was doing the best I could at the time ... I traveled a long way to see them ... I wanted to be their Dad ... I was the best Dad I could be ... I did a lot more than many dads would do ... I wish it could’ve been more ... it must’ve been enough, I have a great relationship with each of them today (I knew this from our conversations on the phone).  When this “broke my heart” got down to a 0 on a scale of 0 to 10, we moved on to Even though I wish it could’ve been different and I could’ve been there all the time, I love and forgive myself, I tried as hard as I could.

George left with homework of: Even though all this shit happened… and Even though all this shit happened, I love and forgive myself.  Then, I choose to feel enthusiastic about the pleasure my penis can bring.  George felt really good about doing this homework.

I received an email from him 4 days later and it said:  “The EFT session was an extraordinary time for me, powerfully revealing of connections I had not previously understood or sensed.  Dunno if it's related (only kidding) but Gail & I had our best sex ever (my take, but I’m sure she shares it) Sunday night.”  I was delighted to hear that our EFT work helped two people for the price of one!

We are such wonderfully complex beings!

Nancy A. Morris, EFT-ADV


Explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT™, by reading my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™. More efficient. More powerful.