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Articles & Ideas


What do you do for friends who incessantly bend your ear while venting their problems?

Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Hi Everyone,

Got any friends who soak up your time by constantly telling you how sucky their life is? Eloise Leonna has some suggestions.

Hugs, Gary

By Eloise Leonna

Lately, clients have shared their frustrations with me about close friends who consistently call to vent their problems.  The listening ear may sympathize, cajole, or offer various types of support to the friend, but is often left drained by the call.

Anne said that she didn't know what to do because her friend, Cindy, kept dumping her problems on Anne over the phone lines.  Cindy never seemed to value Anne's insights or ideas.  She was more likely to argue against them.  This had been going on for years but in the past year, Cindy's problems had escalated, causing alarm to herself and her family.  And it was creating a toxic effect on Anne.

I reminded Anne to tap.  She knows EFT so it required no explanation.  I told her, "If you can believe that we are all energetically related, and in fact, that there is no real separation between us, you can tap for Cindy as she exists within you.  As you heal your perception of her, you will send a healing to her, too."  I offered possible set-up phrases to Anne:

Even though Cindy doesn't yet realize her inner resources, I completely love and accept myself and Cindy.

Even though I feel hopeless to help Cindy, I completely love and accept myself and Cindy.

There are more set-up phrases that Anne could choose, based on what aspect she'd like to address.

Sometimes what is needed is a level of detached compassion.  By this I mean having clear, healthy boundaries so that you don't match the energy of the problem.  It means recognizing that the other person has all the inner resources they need.  It means maintaining your own discrete energy field without allowing someone to jump into your space, or you jumping into theirs.  By being an energetic mirror of their healthy, whole anima, you offer the other person a healing.  Here are some reminder phrases:

Her life seems like a never-ending accident.

Even though I feel like I'm not doing her any good.

She overwhelms me.

She can't hear me.

She seems so attached to her problems.

She doesn't see her own inner light.

She seems to love drama.

I feel sick and helpless after her calls.

I've lost boundaries between us.

I can't fix things for her.

Positive reminder phrases that can be used alternately with the ones above:

She's a beautiful soul.

She doesn't need fixing.

This is her own divine journey.

I claim healthy boundaries between myself and Cindy.

I know that she has all the inner resources she needs.

I know that she is filled with healing light from within.

I can step as far back as I need to and it will still be okay.

I release Cindy's energy from my energy field.

I release the panic of the phone call from inside of me.

I remember the truth of Cindy as my friend.

There are admittedly several aspects at work in these phrases and Anne can begin to work in a more focused manner on any one of them.

What was great, was that as the phrases were offered, Anne began to regain her peace.  From a peaceful place, Anne will have more clarity about how to honor her friend and future calls.  There are many ways to interact with her friend, but the important thing is for Anne to have clarity and a sense of choice about what direction to take.

Eloise Leonna


Explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT™, by reading my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™. More efficient. More powerful.