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Articles & Ideas


EFT for disliking someone shifts resentments to acceptance -- a major result

Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Note: This article assumes you have a working knowledge of EFT. Newcomers can still learn from it but are advised to peruse our Free Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tutorial™ for a more complete understanding.

Hi Everyone,

This article by Kirsten Campbell hits at the heart of many relationship issues and should be studied by everyone. The people we tend to dislike usually remind us about someone in our past or something about ourselves we don't like. Resolving them with EFT brings great relief and personal peace. Note how Kirsten eventually saw that her issue was really about her reactions to a much younger friend from her past.

Hugs, Gary

By Kirsten Campbell

Hi Gary,

I am quite new to EFT, but I wanted to tell you about a success for me that has really made a big difference in my life. It sounds trivial, but I have been able to completely change my intense dislike for someone into acceptance, and along the way make a new friend. Please note I have changed the names just in case this goes in the newsletter.

GC COMMENT: To me, this is major, not trivial. Converting resentments into acceptance or even love can have profound healing effects.

There is a guy in my class, Jimmy, who really annoyed me. Annoy is not strong enough, I mean, I disliked this guy with such a passion that it was totally irrational. And even though I could recognize how irrational it was, I still couldn't bring myself to try to feel ok with him. Everything he said and did annoyed me. I used to tell my boyfriend and family about how annoying he was, and whenever he did something I didn't like, I'd think about how irritating it was for the rest of the day, sometimes even longer.

I was a bit surprised about my reaction because normally I don't have a problem with people, and if I do, it is highly unusual that I feel this strongly. I don't think he knew how I was feeling mostly because, even though I was irrational about it, I recognized that it was not his problem, and that he wasn't responsible for how I was feeling. He would be who he was no matter how I felt about him. This was my problem, but I couldn't work out what to do about it.

So, even though I couldn't stand this guy so much that I didn't even want to try to make myself feel better towards him (because that would have been saying that he was ok just the way he was, when I really didn't believe that at all), I did some EFT on myself.

Even though I can't stand how Jimmy talks...

I just can't stand him … he's such an idiot … just can't stand him.

Even though he makes me so mad I just want to scream at him...

He makes me so mad … I feel so mad.

Even though I don't even want to like him...

After a few of these, nothing was really budging, so I tried the 'this reminds me of' technique that I have seen in one of the newsletters and BINGO. There it was.

Jimmy is very competitive, and is always playing the one-upmanship game, in which no matter what anyone else does, he can do it better, or he knows more than you. No matter what it was, he was better. When I was a kid, I had this friend Nora (we are still good friends), but we were quite on and off a lot of the time during our school years, and we ALWAYS used to play one-upmanship games with each other. It used to get crazy, and I really hated it because I always felt so inadequate. But my feelings about Jimmy's behaviour made me realize that I had unresolved issues with Nora, and that I was projecting these onto him. So I tapped for:

Even though Nora and I used to play one-upmanship games all the time, and I really hated it and so did she, I still deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself, and I love accept and forgive Nora too.

We used to play one-upmanship all the time … I hated it so much … so did she … but we were both just kids … we were both just insecure … we just wanted to feel good about ourselves … but it didn't work … and it was really annoying … I used to hate it when she did that … and I hated it when I did it too.

So that got resolved pretty quickly, and something else came up that I didn't expect. Jimmy is strongly religious, and so is Nora. Nora always invited me to go to church and youth group with her, and I had fun, but I always felt out of place and 'less than' because I didn't believe what she and her family/church believed. She and her family were always on a constant mission to 'save' me, and I felt that there was something wrong with me because of that. I realised that I felt inadequate around Jimmy because he was just as religious. So I tapped that down.

Then for good measure, I tapped for being able to let the things Jimmy says and does just not bother me. The next day I went to school, and I was surprised when I realised later that I wasn't even bothered by the things Jimmy was saying. Whenever he said something that would have irritated me before, I would just roll my eyes and then forget about it. I wouldn't remember it, or bitch about it later, or mull on it. This was a big breakthrough for me. I would just think, 'oh, here we go', or 'whatever', then never think about it again. It was a big relief for me.

What I realised is that I don't have to like him, it's totally ok if I don't. But when I actually dislike someone it's telling me something that I need to take notice of and resolve. Rather than 'disliking' someone per se, the opposite of liking someone is perhaps just not being bothered about what they are like and just accepting them. I don't have to be friends with everyone. That was a huge relief to me.

This is the only tapping I have ever done for it, and the results seemed to get better over time. Now I think he's quite funny and I can have a joke with him. I enjoy talking to him. This is exciting for me, because I can do it on anyone I have a problem with, with the same results. It just makes my life a lot happier and I can stop judging myself for judging other people.




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